Hit by a Pitch

After the Dan Hawkins outburst today, I would like to relive some of the great moments of crazy coach outbursts.

This is my favorite of all time — the Bears are who we thought they were (too bad we couldn’t crown their ass this year).

Jim Mora would like to discuss the playoffs.

He also said “diddly poo.”

Minor league coaches also suffer the occasional meltdown.

Royals manager Hal McRae doesn’t like stupid ass questions.

John Chaney will kick your ass.

Another T for Bobby Knight….

Herm Edwards reflects on why we play sports.

Not a coach, but good anyway — Allen Iverson discusses practice.

And because I can’t resist, where does Reggie Evans get his cookies?!

I don’t care about University of Colorado football, but this Dan Hawkins meltdown is effin’ hilarious. AWESOME.

It’s Division 1 football! It’s the Big 12! It ain’t intramurals! You got two weeks after finals, you got a week at July 4, and you got a week before camp starts. That’s a month! That’s probably more vacation than you guys get. And we’re a little bummed out that we don’t get three weeks? Go play intramurals, brother. Go play intramurals.

Update: That link seems to be broken, so go here.

Nuggets

Three straight wins! Screw my earlier suggestions for getting the Nuggets not to suck any more. I guess all they needed was Melo’s invitation to the All Star game. They’re like a new team since his selection was announced. They’re actually fun to watch again — not just because they’re winning, but because they’re having fun and playing their asses off most of the time. I don’t know why they weren’t doing this before, but things are looking good. Also, my guy from Lithuania Linas Kleiza has made 28 consecutive free throws. And Nene kicks ass — as Scott Hastings said the other day, “If he’s fat, let ME be fat.”

The Milwaukee game on Saturday was the best of all possible worlds — the Nuggets won, and Earl Boykins was on fire. As you might know, I love that little guy. The bummer thing is that Julius Hodge was waived by the Bucks on February 7. I really hope he gets picked up somewhere — it feels to me that Denver ruined his life, and I hope he can recover from that and have a successful NBA career.

NFL

San Diego Chargers coach Marty Schottenheimer was fired today.

NBA

Steve Nash won’t be playing in the All Star game, but not to worry, he’ll still go to Vegas to enjoy the, um, festivities.

NCAA Hoops

Ding dong, the witch is dead — after being ranked for 200 weeks, Duke fell from glory and off the AP poll. Haha.

Nuggets

Allen Iverson did not make the trip out east with the team, so they’ll be without him for the Indiana game tonight and the Milwaukee game tomorrow (and I’m looking forward to seeing Earl Boykins play against his former team because, as you may know, I love that little guy).

Carmelo Anthony was named to the All Star team. Maybe he’ll no longer be distracted by his overwhelming desire to be an All Star, or maybe he’ll still be moody because being named as an injury replacement is about as cool as being someone’s second-choice prom date.

Broncos

The team wants Rod Smith to restructure his contract (read: make less money). I’ll file this under “assholery” and move along….

Champ Baily and John Lynch want to honor Darrent Williams by wearing his #27 in the Pro Bowl. Apparently the NFL didn’t go for this, but Broncos team members will wear #27 decals on their helmets. I suppose that’s better than nothing — remember when the NFL fined Jake Plummer $5,000 for wearing a decal honoring Pat Tillman?

Bears

Tank “Misdemeanor” Johnson stipulated to a violation of probation yesterday. Johnson remains on home monitoring but is allowed to practice. Sentencing is scheduled for March 15. He was on probation for a gun-related case when he caught a new gun-related case.

Rather than complain about how much the Nuggets have sucked lately, in an attempt to remain positive in these dire circumstances, I will offer suggestions that might result in some improvement.

10. To help the Nuggets keep up their energy in the fourth quarter (when they tend to really suck), each player can have a Gilbert Arenas altitude chamber installed at home. Of course, they’ll have to crank the alt-o-meter up to, say, 10,000 feet to have the same effect Gilbert gets at sea level.

9. Taking another hint from the Gilbert Arenas school of asskicking, the guys could do a week of boot camp with “a military dude in San Francisco” to get them into better shape.

8. For practice, have Melo and J.R. Smith play one-on-one for six hours a day. Whoever scores the fewest points wins.

7. Have Mardy Collins stand near the Nuggets’ basket. There’s no way Melo will be distracted from scoring two points, but after shooting, he’ll notice Collins and run away to the defensive end of the court.

6. Let Melo know that he’ll make the 2008 All Star team if he has 20 triple doubles before next year.

5. Offer Melo free manicures while he’s on weak side defense, so he doesn’t get bored from all that standing around doing nothing.

4. Provide free ECT after the game for any player who misses more than three three-point shots in any half.

3. When the team sucks and nobody is scoring any points, put in Reggie Evans and Linas Kleiza.

2. Give the guys an Andrei Kirilenko sex allowance, but only when they have a winning record. If Andrei Kirilenko can find two women every year who want to have sex with him, the Nuggets can win a few more games.

1. BRING BACK EARL BOYKINS! I know this isn’t possible, but I love that little guy.