Hit by a Pitch

There is a hell of a lot going on in my sports universe these days, but I’ve been too lazy to write anything of substance. Therefore, I will talk shit — I need to get mentally prepared for tomorrow’s game, which I will be attending. I’m still hoping to pull off some large-scale organized heckling — imagine if everybody in the Pepsi Center started yelling “Take your pants off!!!” with 8:11 left in the third quarter — it would be mayhem and Ginobili would freak out and die.

Most of my Spurs heckling thus far has focused on the obvious targets, like Duncan and Ginobili. But what about the under-heckled players? What about Fabricio Oberto?

Today, I will give him a makeover. I mean, really, he looks like he’s letting himself go, don’t you think? It won’t be long before he’s making a run to the grocery store at 3 a.m. wearing sweatpants and a chocolate-ice-cream-stained t-shirt, looking for frozen mac n’ cheese, Twinkies, and People magazine. What’s with his tooth?

Maybe he needs to get some bangs and go blonde.

Or he could get an Anderson Varejao.

Jaslene, you are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model.

Oberto as soccer mom

Sometimes, after a night of getting called for some iffy fouls, Fab just needs to let loose and be, well, fab.

Nothing says “flirty” like flowers.

I always cry at weddings, when the bride looks like this.