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J.R. Smith Responsible for Global Warming

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This just in….

Scientists studying the ice shelves of Antarctica have released new findings indicating the cause of the ice melting at an alarming rate. That cause is J.R. Smith.

In other news, the impending recession, the Iraq war, and the foreclosure crisis ripping through American cities also are the fault of J.R. Smith.

In a statement from prison, Michael Vick said it was “All that bastard J.R. Smith’s fault,” and that he hoped all those dogs would be okay.

Pretty much anything wrong in the world today can be traced back to J.R. Smith.

I’m going to admit something terribly embarrassing about myself, and I hope that, after today, we will never speak of this again. Someday, if I run for public office, I don’t want anyone using this against me in one of those horrifying political ads where you trash your opponent for mistakes made in the past.

Okay. Here we go.

I watch the show One Tree Hill.

I know. I told you it was terribly embarrassing. That show is horrible, and the fact that I watch it indicates a serious deficiency in my character. This probably rises to the level of “character issues” that would result in a college scholarship being revoked, just like what happened on Friday Night Lights, another show I watch (although I’m not actually embarrassed about that one).

On One Tree Hill, there’s this character named Quentin (and, in my defense, I had to look up his name just now because I wasn’t sure). Quentin is the bad-ass Tree Hill baller who has like mad skillz and shit but a gigantic attitude to match. In One-Tree-Hill-speak, this means that he’s a raging asshole who eventually will see the light and become less of a raging asshole or will kill people and end up in prison with unfortunate facial hair. He is cocky beyond cocky. He makes Allen Iverson’s “practice” diatribe look like kind words from a guy who likes to spend extra time in the gym developing his long-range jump shot. Quentin is too cool for practice, hogs the ball, and lets everyone in this bizarre North Carolina town know that he’s way better than they’ll ever be and nobody can tell him what to do.

So what in the hell does this have to do with J.R. Smith and adjustable rate mortgages (by the way, don’t get one of those)? Glad you asked!

My suspicion is that J.R. Smith is a lot like this Quentin character. I’ve heard about how he doesn’t like to practice. He’s not dedicated. He doesn’t have a good attitude. He doesn’t put in extra time like, say, Linas Kleiza and some of the other young players. I’ve seen him do things that indicate extreme cockiness or poor judgment, such as going up hard for a ridiculous dunk only to have the ball donk off the rim or having his driver’s license suspended five times in one year or driving into oncoming traffic, resulting in a horrific crash and the death of his friend. If you watch J.R. Smith freak the hell out after making a good shot, it’s pretty clear that this is a young man who doesn’t suffer from low self-esteem or much insecurity.

It’s clear to the world that George Karl is not a fan of J.R. Smith. I’ve heard him talk about things he wishes J.R. would do. The other day, J.R. sparked an awesome Kleiza-dominated comeback for the Nuggets, and after the game, George gave props to the players responsible for the win and then added something like “Oh, and J.R., sort of.” You can almost see the wheels turning in George Karl’s mind, trying to find a way to put the blame for Hurricane Katrina and everything that’s ever gone wrong for the Nuggets on J.R. Smith.

My love for George Karl is vast like the ocean AI couldn’t throw a rock into the other day, and I don’t doubt his judgment about J.R. at all. Well, most of the time, anyway.

Last night I was at the Nuggets/Jazz game and things weren’t going well for the Nuggets most of the time. Early on, I was three for three when shrieking to disrupt Jazz free throws (note to everyone in section 224: sorry about that!), but after a while, even that lost its effectiveness. I tried to put a hex on that Korver guy with his silly knee socks and actually might have wished a broken leg on Matt Harpring (that guy is a THUG).

While the Nuggets were busy sucking or busy trying to get back into the game, do you know what I noticed even more than the action on the court (or Rocky running around with a cake — what was that about)? I noticed J.R. Smith, going batshit crazy (in a good way) by the bench.

Here’s a guy who as far as I knew didn’t play at all (according to the box score, he played for three seconds — WTF?) and he was more into the game than half the guys on the court. He’s jumping around and yelling and he’s out on the court before the start of overtime wishing guys luck or talking shit to get them hyped up or whatever he was doing. From my seat waaay across the Pepsi Center from the bench, I could feel how much J.R. Smith wanted to win that game. He wanted it more than everybody in that building put together, I swear. That probably sounds kind of crazy, but I’ve never seen that kind of energy coming from a Nugget like that.

So I don’t know. It probably doesn’t make up for whatever attitude problems he has and whatever he doesn’t do in practice. But for whatever reason, it really kind of got to me last night. Even if he is a butt sometimes, and even if he’s just like that guy on a stupid WB drama, J.R. is an awesome player, and probably could be one of the best in the league. I kind of hope George Karl gives him another chance.

Written by Tracy

February 7th, 2008 at 9:52 pm

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