I’d like to dedicate Saturdays to telling you about all the shit I should’ve told you about earlier in the week but didn’t, either because I’m lazy or because instead I got drunk and bought shoes on the internet (I hate when that happens but sometimes a girl needs a pair of ridiculous 70s-style beige platform sandals).
There are quite a few things I didn’t tell you about this week. The good thing is that you probably know about all of them already. You know about the alleged underage Chinese gymnasts. I say there are three options for that hot mess: (1) the IOC and gymnastics people enforce the freakin’ age limit already in a serious way that might involve X-rays (Sanja Gupta says that works for determining age within a few months and I don’t see how else they can do it when corrupt governments are free to falsify documents); (2) the IOC and gymnastics people determine that they’re unwilling or unable to enforce the freakin’ age limit already and get rid of it; or (3) things continue as is and the sport of gymnastics is de-listed from the Master List of Sports and everybody in the world stops giving a rat’s ass about it. Period, end of story. You also know that the planets have aligned such that the Cubs and the Angels are on their way to the World Series, where they will each win three games and then the Angels will win this thing (I know I picked them last year, but whatever, I’m always a year early with my baseball predictions — see also Morneau, Justin in the Home Run Derby).
What you might have missed, and what I’ll focus on for the rest of this post, is the fact that the White Sox are mad crazy awesome. I mean, they’re not all that, because they’re tied with the stupid Twinkies. They lost to the A’s (I’m assuming the apostrophe in A’s is because it’s a contraction and not because of poor grammar) last night and they’ve had a few misses with the hits. However, there are two awesome things going on with the Sox right now.
First, John Danks is dank. Haha, I’m sure I’m the first person in the world to say that. Seriously, though, he has emerged as an amazingly reliable starting pitcher. If I had a big bag of weed and had to trust a White Sox pitcher to carry it across the country for me, I’d put them in the following trustworthiness order: (1) John Danks; (2) Mark Buehrle (he’s Old Reliable as far as I’m concerned); (3) Javier Vazquez; (4) Gavin Floyd; (5) “to be determined.”
Danks is 10-5 with a 3.18 ERA. His road ERA is the third-best in MLB at 2.54. That’s a guy you want to have nachos with, you know? He’s got your back.
Second, did you see that home run shit on Thursday? I didn’t, but my phone went crazy with the White Sox text updates I get. The guys hit four consecutive home runs (BACK-to-BACK-to-BACK-to-BACK as Chris Berman probably would say), to tie an MLB record (this is the sixth time it happened). With two out in the sixth inning of the game against the Royals, HEY GUYS IT’S JI JIM THOME hit a three-run home run, followed in order by home runs from Paul Konerko, the Cuban Missile Alexei Ramirez, and Juan Uribe.
The whole “ladies love the long ball” thing is a myth, at least if you ask me. I don’t give a rat’s ass about the long ball. I care about winning. You can do that with the long ball or the small ball or whatever — it’s all good. That said, there’s just something about the White Sox hitting home runs. It just makes sense, you know? It’s especially awesome when they’re down and they break out the home runs and win the game. I love that.
I have a good feeling about the White Sox winning the AL Central this year. This is despite the fact that I’ve felt that their success this year is due in part to a smoke-and-mirrors game rather than pure talent. The Twins are the only team that can beat them. And that? Is not going to happen.
Finally, here’s a YTMND for you. GO SOX!
