Hit by a Pitch

I never talk about weight, mostly because I think it’s a boring subject, but also because I know it’s a difficult issue for many women and I’m always afraid of triggering bad feelings in others. (I guess this is the same sort of thing I have with complaining about anything — I never want to complain about something to anybody who is or might be in worse shape than I am. Like, I don’t want to complain about money to someone who has less than I do [if such person exists] and I don’t want to complain about my job to someone who doesn’t have a job or hates her job.)

I guess I have minor weight issues. I have my ideal weight, which I’ll call X (it might be annoying and tedious, but I don’t think it’s all that helpful to get into specific numbers). This is where I’m thin but not skinny (I’ve never been and never will be what I’d call “skinny”). I have my tolerable weight, which is X+10. Then I have my ew, I’m too chubby weight, which is X+20. For my entire adult life, I’ve pretty much been at one of these these three weights. I’ve rarely dipped below my ideal weight and I’ve never been over my ew, I’m too chubby weight.

When I’m at X+20, I’m fine but it’s not ideal. Of course, X+20 is where I started this pregnancy, and now I’m annoyed with myself for not trying to lose at least some of those 20 pounds before getting knocked up.

The weird thing is that as of 17w3d, I’ve gained exactly one pound. Believe me, I haven’t been trying not to gain weight. I’ve been eating more than I really need to not feel hungry, and it’s not like I had any morning sickness or nausea (I’m one of the lucky few who had none of the bad first trimester stuff). I know the weight gain is going to come and that it’s necessary and totally fine. I just hope it’s no more than 25 pounds.

I’m not going to be all pissed if I gain more than that, but I’m looking at it like this — after the baby is born, I want to get back down to my ideal weight. That means I’ll have to lose 20 pounds in addition to whatever I gain during pregnancy. My understanding is that breastfeeding does wonders for losing weight, but I know it’s still going to require effort on my part. I don’t know how hard it’s going to be in those first few months to find the time and energy to work out (although I definitely plan to do so).

From a shallow perspective, I want to take lots of pictures of our kid and us and the fun things we’ll be doing during his childhood. I’d like to look good in those pictures. More important, I want to be at my ideal weight because I feel better (mentally — physically I feel fine at any of these weights) at that weight. I also want to be a good example of weight and healthy eating and all that, for the kid’s benefit. I don’t ever want to lecture him about food, exercise, or weight, and I don’t want him to have issues with any of these things. I figure the best way to do that is to just show him how it’s done — if mom works out and eats well and is at a good weight (not too chubby and definitely not too skinny) and has a good outlook on this stuff, I hope he gets that, too. (Dad working out is another issue, and maybe we’ll get there someday.)

I know I can’t control how my kid is going to feel about food, activity, weight, and everything that goes with it, but I hope I can at least give him some good information so he can be healthy and cool with it.