Parents on the Internet
As I’ve probably mentioned before, I don’t know any local parents of young children. So sometimes when I want to interact with other people dealing with the same shit I’m dealing with, I turn to message boards. I might have to stop.
First, there are the message boards where everybody is batshit crazy. I’m not trying to judge anyone (I’ve mentioned that), but I just don’t want to “hang out,” even online, with the non-vaccinating, breastfeeding-until-high-school, crunchier-than-thou tribe. I also don’t want to be near people who say things like “DH,” “DS,” and “DD” (to this day, I always think “DD” refers to someone’s boobs). Maybe I’m too picky (or maybe people are annoying). I’m not sure.
There’s one message board that drives me less crazy than most of the others, but even it has its shortcomings. Lately, there’s one thing I’ve noticed that drives me nuts, and I’m pretty sure it’s something that would happen were I to hang out with other moms in real life. People are fucking competitive about their spawn. Holy shit. People were talking about their babies’ first real (social) smiles. They were saying some crazy stuff — like, my baby had his first social smile when he was still an embryo! In the womb! Okay, I exaggerate a bit. But still, I don’t believe that anybody’s kid was smiling for real at like three weeks old. It was gas or an accident. Oh, and stop bragging, okay?
I’m not the most competitive person in the world, but I can almost see myself falling into that shit. I don’t want to start telling people about how Soren has already started writing a modern-day version of Either/Or, wherein he discusses the existential dilemma using easy-to-understand examples such as fantasy football and scandals involving auto accidents and the late-night wielding of golf clubs. Or how he spent the past few days in Keystone, snowboarding with Norwegian gold medalists. That shit is private, you know, and I don’t want to make other people feel bad because most five-week-olds are sitting around like lumps of unrisen pizza dough except when they’re crying or pooping.
“wherein he discusses the existential dilemma using easy-to-understand examples such as fantasy football and scandals involving auto accidents and the late-night wielding of golf clubs”
love it. love how you included this.
talesofmy30s
1 Dec 09 at 7:33 pm
I so love you! LOL “I don’t want to start telling people about how Soren has already started writing a modern-day version of Either/Or, wherein he discusses the existential dilemma using easy-to-understand examples such as fantasy football and scandals involving auto accidents and the late-night wielding of golf clubs. Or how he spent the past few days in Keystone, snowboarding with Norwegian gold medalists. That shit is private, you know, and I don’t want to make other people feel bad because most five-week-olds are sitting around like lumps of unrisen pizza dough except when they’re crying or pooping.”
Amy
3 Dec 09 at 5:04 pm