Although I’ve had the best of intentions regarding updating this blog since Soren was born, as usual I’ve been doing a crappy job of it. I don’t know if it’s hormones or what, but I feel like, since having a baby, my attention deficit disorder has attention deficit disorder. It’s like I’ll be doing one thing and then I’ll think of five other things I need/want to do and then I’ll forget what I’m doing while I’m still actually doing it. If it’s something that takes thought (finishing my birth story, responding to email, reading a book), it’s just not happening.
Aside from my inability to accomplish anything, things are good right now. Eight weeks is a pretty awesome age. Soren is smiling and (I think) cooing — he makes this noise that sounds kind of like he’s trying to say “Hi” — he opens his mouth all the way and makes a great effort and then does this “Ha!” thing. The smiles are awesome. Like B said about a week ago, Soren looks and seems much more human than he did at first. Every week he gets cuter and more alert and interactive and, as a result, it gets more and more fun to hang out with him. I mean, I still don’t really know what to do with a newborn most of the time. I’ve been reading to him quite a bit — we read Sports Illustrated together. He knows all about Notre Dame’s new coach (even though I explained that we don’t care about Notre Dame and have no idea why they get so much media coverage) and the effect of Tiger’s absence on the PGA tour (although I didn’t discuss why Tiger will be absent from the PGA tour — there’s time for learning about the sex lives of athletes when he’s much, much older). He’s also still really into music.
I’m doing well, too. I don’t think I was depressed during the first few weeks, but I had a lot of crying/feeling totally overwhelmed freakouts. I can’t remember the last time I had one of those. So that’s good. And there was a lot of shit going on during the first few weeks — we had a plumbing tragedy (no toilet for days and no water for a night and the next day and a $17,000 repair estimate [ended up being much, much less]), and then my soul-mate cat of 18 years, Kierkegaard (yes, the baby is named after her) died. But then I started going back to the gym at 3w5d postpartum. I get a shower every day (I don’t understand how people always say they don’t have time to shower after having a baby; unless you’re a single parent or the other parent is out of town and/or works very, very long hours, you can take a shower). I’m even in a good groove with pumping, if you can believe that (writing my “expert” guide to exclusive pumping is on my neglected to-do list).
Don’t get me wrong — in some ways, I’m still overwhelmed. I still don’t get out much and I’m still afraid that I/we will never have anything near a normal social life again. We’re still poor. I go back to work in just over three weeks and I have no idea how we’re going to afford daycare, for which we’re still on a waiting list. I’m still bummed that we don’t have family in the state. But you know, this is all stuff that’ll be figured out somehow.
Oh, and I had a birthday on Monday. Holy shit! My goal for my new age and the new year is to get much better at that “living in the moment” shit. That’s a very hard thing to do when you have ADD — you’re always in 10 other places when you’re doing something (like, you’re feeding the baby but also wondering if so-and-so replied to your Facebook comment, thinking about your best friend from high school and whatever happened to him, trying to remember what time the Nuggets play tonight, reminding yourself to check your shitty fantasy football lineup for this week, wondering if you should spend money you don’t have for a shirt to wear to the beer fest next month that will make you look less like Beth from Dog the Bounty Hunter and more like someone with boobs that aren’t about to take over the universe, being annoyed by cat fur on the couch, and being irritated by the parking ticket you got for having expired plates because you didn’t renew them because you just had a baby and it’s hard to get out and you keep forgetting to do the shit you’re supposed to do, etc.). I don’t want to go back on ADD medication (I’ve been off of it for, what, almost two years now?), so I have to figure out another way to try to be more focused and, I don’t know, grounded. Like a normal person. Meditation would probably work, although I really, really hate meditation. The fact that I hate it so much probably means that it’s exactly what I need.
So anyway, enough about me and enough of another boring-ass blog post. I hope all is well with all of you, and that 2010 is an awesome year for us all!