Hit by a Pitch

We arrived at last night’s Rockies game about half an hour late, but it was still the first inning. (We later heard that the game was delayed because somebody committed suicide by jumping off a bridge near Coors Field — no idea if it’s true but if it is, good thoughts to the surviving family and friends and anybody who saw it happen.) It was a slow and boring game, punctuated with the obnoxious cheers of an inordinate number of St. Louis Cardinals fans. (I like to say, when there are too many fans of the opposing team, “If St. Louis [or insert name of other city] is so great, why don’t you move back there?” unless you’re talking about White Sox fans, in which case there aren’t too many and I’m all, “Yay, my people!”) The wind picked up and the temperature dropped and by the sixth inning, the Rockies were getting hammered and we had a grumpy baby on our hands. So we became Those People Who Leave the Game Early (TPWLGE) (unnecessary and inappropriate capitalization makes me irrationally angry and I’m doing it here only because I’m irrationally angry at myself for being one of TPWLGE).

It takes us 15 minutes, tops, to walk to the car and drive home. After we got grumpy pants fed and to bed, I settled in to see that the Rockies were down 9-3. Ha! That sucks even more than it did when we were still at the game. Good thing we left early, suckas! I didn’t even know that it was about to start raining.

I started the ninth inning sitting at my computer waiting to update my stupid game log with the score. I had “Rockies 3 – Cardinals 9″ (I need to learn how to make em and en dashes on the Mac one of these days) already written. Then I changed it to “Rockies 4 – Cardinals 9.” Then crazy shit started to happen and I moved my butt to the couch to watch the rest of the game. (Note: I use a laptop, which yes, I could easily take with me to the couch, but when I’m not really trying to be on the internet, I leave it on my desk, which is right next to the couch.)

It turned out to be what the guys on tv referred to as the “greatest comeback in Colorado Rockies history.” (Troy Renck article here.) We totally could’ve been there, but we were TPWLGE. I mean, grumpy baby, good excuse — but still, that sucks. And then you had salt, wounds while the postgame guys spent a good six hours making fun of TPWLGE. We totally deserve it, but ouch.

It seems like leaving the game early set into action a swirling vortex of suckitude, wherein annoying things keep happening. Here is a brief summary:

• My work website was down all night (as far as I can tell) and I wasted time trying to access my work email so I could do actual work at like midnight, before I finally realized I could access my work email even though the website wasn’t working by using the direct link.
• A cat puked on the floor in our bedroom (the only carpeted surface in the house).
• Despite Ben’s constant and diligent efforts, the bedroom carpet smells slightly of pee again, Sadie.
• Sadie pooped in the kitchen while we slept. (This has become an everyday occurrence since the onslaught of constant and terrible fireworks in the ‘hood.)
• While standing on a chair and attempting to water the hanging plant I repotted last weekend, I spilled water all over the chair and the living room floor.
• I put some leftover Tuscan potato salad into a plastic container to take to work for breakfast. After closing the container, I noticed that it was covered in animal fur. How is that possible? I wiped off the fur on the outside of the container only to realize that there was also a bunch of fur on the inside of the container. I wiped off as much as possible but just couldn’t throw out the potato salad and start fresh, so I’ll probably be eating some fur for breakfast. Yum, and gross. I don’t know why I’m telling you that, but I’ll understand the next time I invite you over and you say no.
• Soren pooped right before we left this morning. You guys, the early weeks (months?) of solid food baby poop are really, really, really gross. I’m still as dedicated to cloth diapers as ever, but really, ew.
• Blueberries.
• A cat pooped right before I left so I had to scoop that because Coltrane, the buffet is closed, at least until someone else poops and I’m not there.
• I got stuck on a two-lane, one-way street where one lane was closed and the other was occupied by a street sweeper moving at approximately .0008 miles per hour.

On a positive note, I fell asleep within a reasonable amount of time and then stayed asleep until my alarm went off this morning. Almost six hours of uninterrupted slumber! Fabulous!