Hit by a Pitch

Song of the day: God’s Gonna Cut You Down by Johnny Cash (You know what’s weird? This song is everywhere lately. It keeps popping up in commercials, including one for a video game and one for some kind of Jeep. The song has been on my radar for a while because it plays at Rockies games when Joe Beimel takes the field. Joe Beimel is kind of awesome. I even named my fantasy baseball team after him.)
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This year, I’m playing fantasy baseball for the first time (well, the first time for real — I did it once before but did an autodraft and then totally forgot about my team). I wrote about my draft here. My plan then was to avoid all Red Sox and Yankees players and hopefully not totally suck ass. That has not changed.

So, what happened since then?

Well, to start, my team totally sucked ass. I think I managed to avoid 12th place, but I spent a few weeks in 11th place. I lost a lot. But I’ve been slowly moving up — very, very slowly, spot by spot. I’m now in 6th place. If I can stay in the top 6, I’ll make the playoffs, which would be awesome.

I drafted a few stinkers (a word I’m using because it fits in with my current grandma obsession, wherein I like things such as roses, fussy manicured topiary greenery, big silly glasses, and pillbox hats, except for the pillbox hats). Mike Napoli and Geovany Soto did nothing for me so I dropped them. Isn’t Napoli playing first base now? I don’t even know. Don’t tell me if these guys are good. I don’t even know who Jhonny Peralta is. Does he play for the Indians? Aren’t they so bad their moms won’t even watch? I had Kendry Morales until he had that stupid, stupid injury. I loved that guy.

If there’s one thing I did right (it should come as no surprise considering the name of this site), it was the pitching roster. Here’s who I had on opening day:

Ubaldo Jimenez (Col-SP)
John Danks (CWS-SP)
Jonathan Broxton (LAD-RP)
David Aardsma (Sea-RP)
Mark Buehrle (CWS-P)
Jorge De La Rosa (Col-P)
Ted Lilly (CHC-P) (DL)

Here’s who I have now:

Ubaldo Jimenez (Col-SP)
John Danks (CWS-SP)
Jonathan Broxton (LAD-RP)
Octavio Dotel (Pit-RP)
My Boyfriend Jon Garland (SD-SP)
Ted Lilly (CHC-P)
Mark Buehrle (CWS-P)
David Aardsma (Sea-RP)
Jorge De La Rosa (Col-P) (DL)

The rest of my opening-day roster:

Mike Napoli (LAA-C)
Geovany Soto (CHC-C)
Kendry Morales (LAA-1B)
Brandon Phillips (Cin-2B)
David Wright (NYM-3B)
Jhonny Peralta (Cle-3B, SS)
Troy Tulowitzki (Col-SS)
Miguel Tejada (Bal-SS)
Carlos Quentin (CWS-LF)
Michael Bourn (Hou-CF)
Brad Hawpe (Col-RF)
Nick Markakis (Bal-RF)
Vladimir Guerrero (Tex-Util)

Current:

Miguel Olivo (Col-C) (Who knew this guy would be awesome?)
Michael Cuddyer (Min-1B, 3B, RF)
Brandon Phillips (Cin-2B)
David Wright (NYM-3B)
Alexei Ramirez (CWS-SS)
Carlos Quentin (CWS-LF, RF)
Colby Rasmus (StL-CF, RF)
Brad Hawpe (Col-RF)
Vladimir Guerrero (Tex-Util)
Martin Prado (Atl-1B, 2B, 3B) (I picked him up off waivers! I’m serious!)
Nick Markakis (Bal-RF)
Michael Bourn (Hou-CF)
Troy Tulowitzki (Col-SS) (DL)

I’ll keep fighting the good fight (read: try to succeed in fantasy baseball without using Red Sox or Yankees). I’ll let you know how the second half of the Joe Beimel Fan Club’s season goes!

ETA: Holy crap you guys, I just accidentally “liked” this post. I don’t know how I did it or what that means, but I’m pretty sure you can’t really like your own post, especially when it’s as stupid as this one. If you can tell I did that, please be so kind as to ignore it. I don’t know how to “unlike” and anyway, that seems a little harsh — I mean, this post never did anything to me, you know?

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