Hit by a Pitch

Ugh, running.

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Song: One Mic by Nas
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Although I work out all the time (at least an hour, five or six days a week), I usually don’t write about it here (unless I have to bitch about someone who dares to speak to me at the gym) because I think blog posts about workouts are pretty much the most boring thing in the world (and don’t get me started about blog posts that chronicle everything someone ate that day). I mean, do you give a shit that on Wednesday, I went to the gym and ran intervals to try to build up my speed and on Thursday, I went to the gym and lifted x number of weights x number of times? You do not. Ugh, running.Once my workout is over, I don’t even care what it was. Nobody does!

So I’m reluctant to talk about running, but I’m going to do it anyway. Running and I have never been pals. Although I work out all the time, running (even snail’s-pace running) gets me really out of breath. I’m top-heavy with broad shoulders — I don’t have a runner’s body and probably am better-suited for rowing or swimming or some other crap I’ll never do. There’s also this thing called “runner’s trots” and, well, yeah, that.

When I was a kid, running was the bane of my existence. In grade school, sometimes we’d have to “go run a lap” after recess. I hated this. I remember running miles or whatever in high school, and I was always one of the too-cool-to-give-a-shit kids walking at the end of the pack, because I didn’t give a shit but also because I sucked at running. I remember going for runs a few times in college, but it was pretty rare that I managed to squeeze in any strenuous physical activity with all that drinking.

Now, my runs often go something like this:

Minute 1: Okay, I can do this.
Minutes 2 – 20: [puff puff puff gasp] This sucks.
Minute 20: Did somebody just lodge a knife into my left shoulder blade?
Minutes 20 – 30: [puff puff cough cough, glance at watch or treadmill timer every 30 seconds]
Minute 30: Hello, knee. Thanks for letting me know you’re there!
Minute 35: I’m totally going to have the poops.

I learned many years ago that the trick is to run slow and to gradually build up time. For example, Ben and I have been going for 35-minute runs the last couple Saturdays (with the jogging stroller, which, holy crap not good). Next week, we could do 40 minutes but not 50. This helps with the whole runner’s trots thing, but doesn’t eliminate it.

I try to do all these little psychological things to fool myself into thinking that running doesn’t suck. I bought the shoes pictured above a few months after Soren was born. I didn’t put his birthday on them for any profound reason — like, I’m not thinking about running for my glorious joyful health and for my child or any of that shit. I put his birthday on my shoes as a reminder that no matter how far/fast/long I run on any given day, it can’t possibly suck as much as giving birth. On 10.25.09, I gave birth to a baby in my living room after 25 hours of labor. That was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life and, unlike running, I couldn’t control when it happened and how long it took. At least running isn’t childbirth.

When Ben and I run outside, I try to look at the sky and the trees and how beautiful it all is, or think of how as citizens of Denver, we’re obligated to be doing physical activity outdoors so we don’t become the only fatties in the state or whatever stupid shit pops into my mind. None of it really helps. Mostly I just think about how I can’t breathe and wonder how many minutes of this crap are left.

(The one thing that does help, and that I don’t do when I go for a run with Ben and Soren but always do when I run on the treadmill, is listen to really good music. “One Mic” by Nas, for example, is an awesome song for running. Girl Talk’s “Feed the Animals” works, too, as do Ben’s mashup mixes. I’ll post a playlist sometime.)

Sometimes after a run, I feel awesome. Those are the times I’m glad I still do this even though it sucks. Sometimes after a run, I feel like I’m going to pass out and die. Those are the times I think I should just give up running because I’m never going to be good at it and I’m never really going to like it all that much. Although I know better, sometimes I think about running a marathon one day. That’s probably the stupidest idea I’ve ever had, but sometimes you want to make a stupid idea work, just to see if you can do it.

Written by Tracy

August 7th, 2010 at 2:27 pm

Posted in and life,Working out

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  1. I want to run. Really.

    If I can’t find a completely flat and even surface, I’ll never get over this knee pain thing, though.

    You running? Awesome. (And I had no idea there was such a term as “runner’s trots” – I thought it was just me.)

    talesofmy30s

    8 Aug 10 at 4:46 am

  2. I seem to have less knee pain the more I work out, which is partly why I’m so dedicated. The current batch is weird, though — it’s like a sudden shooting pain but it lasts for only a second and it randomly happens when I’m running or walking. Weird.

    I thought the runner’s trots thing was just me for years. I didn’t know it was a thing until yesterday!

    Tracy

    8 Aug 10 at 9:13 am

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