The other day, I saw that The Denver Post was taking suggestions for Troy Tulowitzki’s new walk-up song. As you may know, the walk-up (or at-bat as I usually call it) music of Colorado Rockies players is a subject about which I care deeply. I began pondering what awesome song I could submit and then after a while completely forgot about it. On some level, I realized I shouldn’t get too invested in the process because I am well aware that, bless his little heart, Troy Tulowitzki has atrocious taste in music. (He used Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus last season. I understand he likes to pick songs that appeal to kids these days or whatever, but there’s no excuse for making fans listen to that shit.)
The plan was to whittle the fan submissions down to 30 songs, through a process that was not revealed. The 30 songs are listed here. From those 30 songs, Troy Tulowitzki chose the four finalists. You can listen to the four finalists and vote for your “favorite” here (vote by Tuesday).
I listened to as much of each song as I could handle, which for most of them was not much. I don’t want to sound like a hopelessly out-of-touch old fart, but those songs are terrible. In an effort to choose the least awful option, I voted for Ke$ha. That song didn’t make me cry, and on some level I at least understand Ke$ha. (Full disclosure: I do like Katy Perry’s Electric Feel cover.)
Update: The winning song and Troy Tulowitzki’s walk-up music for 2011 is Firework by Katy Perry.
Update: He changed his song to Baby by Justin Bieber.
My song wouldn’t have made it past the play-in game in the first round, but here it is.
Bonus: It’s local!
Now that I’ve had more time to think about it and fully digest Tulo’s bad-music leanings (and the fact that he takes himself too seriously), I’d offer Pretty Boy Swag as a new suggestion. The original version is painfully boring, so he’d have to use a remix, like this one (or this 90s house version) (or, best of all, this Girl Talk mashup with Aphex Twin’s Windowlicker). (You have no idea how many Pretty Boy Swag remixes I listened to today.) I mean, for real, how badass would it be to walk to home plate with this booming from the Coors Field sound system:
Get out the way pretty boy comin through
me and my crew we swaggin in the room
girls on me heavy cause I look so sexy
yellow diamond shawty in the club straight flexin
I’m lookin for a yellow bone long haired star
thick in the hips come get in my car
you party with a star we take off and go to Mars
pretty boy take off in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
That would be almost as awesome as that time we had Kazuo Matsui and the best at-bat song of all time:
Update: If you want to know about Troy Tulowitzki’s 2012 music, go here.