Hit by a Pitch

What to do During the All-Star Break

without comments

Sox vs. RockiesFor the next three days (!) there’s no baseball. Well, there’s baseball-related stuff like the Home Run Derby (I usually love the Home Run Derby, but this year’s Home Run Derby is 50% Brewers and Red Sox. In related news, bite me.1) and the All-Star Game, which I’ll probably watch because by then I’ll be experiencing sudden and severe mental or neurological changes as a result of not having seen a baseball game in, like, days.

If you’re not into the All-Star festivities and are looking for something else to do during the break, I’ve got your back. Here are my suggestions.

  • Get outside and do something, dork.
  • Party like an All-Star. In the alternative, party like Adam Pacman Jones (neck brace optional).
  • Use this three-day period to develop a new skill to the best of your ability. Examples include baking cheesecakes or pies, quilting, or learning how to swear in a foreign language.2
  • Have your own Home Run Derby. I might bust out my Konerko (Paul Star!) jersey and go to town with the really old version of The Bigs we have (I’m not very good at hitting actual balls with actual bats).
  • Figure out what exactly the hell we’re supposed to be doing with Google+.
  • Figure out how to get rid of bindweed.
  • Try to throw a no-hitter while on LSD.
  • Throw a Twitter party. (Just kidding. Don’t do that.)
  • Try that no-tv-watching thing smug people are always talking about.
  • Write your own Dugouts.
  • Watch women’s soccer. It’s actually really awesome! USA plays France on Wednesday at 10 a.m. MDT. Also, two out of three people in our house agree that Alex Morgan is pretty hot (the third doesn’t care about these things yet).
  • Write a story about what would happen if you met your favorite current or former MLB player. What? That’s not weird.
  • Watch video (or line drawings, if you’re a Cubs fan) of the last time your team won the World Series. I’m going to be partying like it’s 2005 up in this hizzouse for the next three days.

1. Apparently this year, the format of the Home Run Derby changed such that each league has a team captain and each team captain selects the four participants for his team. The AL captain is David Ortiz and the NL captain is Prince Fielder, so I guess they each selected a teammate. This is unbearably lame.
2. Every once in a while, I get a bee in my bonnet about learning how to swear in a foreign language. This results in looking shit, er, mierda, up on the internet. One time, I found a site that listed swears/insults in various languages and one of the Lithuanian insults (Beware: you may rightly be offended if you click that link) was “Let the hedgehog appear in your pants.” I’m still working out how to insert that into everyday conversation. Do people in Lithuania actually go around saying let the hedgehog appear in your pants? If so, they’re even more awesome than I thought.

Written by Tracy

July 11th, 2011 at 10:09 am

Posted in and life,MLB,Sports,The Bigs

Tagged with , , ,