One thing I’ve noticed about bloggers is that they like to brag about themselves. Often, this bragging will take the form of telling you about things that would be impossible or very difficult and time-consuming to disprove.
In other news, let’s talk about me. I don’t do that enough around here. Did you know the following?
- I was a child actor in the 70s and 80s. I’ve appeared on tv shows including but not limited to the Love Boat, the Dukes of Hazzard, Diff’rent Strokes, the Facts of Life, Alice, the Jeffersons, and Charlie’s Angels.
- I ghostwrote a book on gardening for a prominent Chicago musician involved in the industrial music scene. I can’t tell you more because of a confidentiality agreement.
- I think Ministry is a great band.
- I was one of the original camgirls. I took the cam down after I got tired of being contacted by so many men.
- I’ve started three highly successful internet companies, with websites that get more than 500,000 hits every day.
- I used to date Dennis Rodman.
- I built a successful food blog in part by “adapting” recipes that I actually copied word for word from other sources, but everybody loves me and nobody has ever called me out on it. (Just kidding — this one wasn’t me.)
- My writing has appeared in national publications and my artwork has been featured in galleries across America.
- I’ve won several “Best Blog” awards from websites that no longer exist.
- I quit my job as a high-level executive at a large, successful company so I could live my dream and become a full-time writer. My memoirs (working title: Goodbye, Cubicle, never mind that high-level executives don’t work in cubicles) will be published in fall
- When one of my “meaningful” posts gets 30 times the number of comments that one of my regular posts gets, rest assured that most of the comments, which were left by people who don’t have blogs, were not written by me.
- I’ve worked in a consulting capacity for businesses including but not limited to Apple, Disney, and HGTV.
- I don’t write deliberately inflammatory and inaccurate posts for Babble in a desperate attempt to get pageviews and attention.
- My “love yourself” seminar for which I charge $100 is totally worth it and provides practical, real-life advice you can’t find elsewhere on the internet for free.
- I’m a celebrity in Canada.
- I’m a social media expert.
- I’m a successful travel writer.
- I’m a #realwriter.
- I’m from Europe.
- I did not buy any of my 58,828 Twitter followers.
That’s quite impressive, isn’t it? And it’s all true (except the thing about being a recipe plagiarist, of course). I dare you to prove otherwise!
(As you can see, my plan to give up snark didn’t work. I went a good two weeks, but then sort of got back into it. My current thought is: Everything in moderation, including snark. There’s some ridiculous shit on the internet, and there’s nothing wrong with checking it out and commenting on it sometimes.)