3 1/2

silly pants

(He loves this shirt because the cat is using the copier to make more cats. He only wants to wear shirts that involve cats.)

I’m not gonna lie. 3 1/2 is a challenging age. Is it like this for everyone? I’m guessing it is. There’s a lot of yelling, not for any reason but just because that’s the kind of voice you want to use when you’re 3 1/2. EVERYTHING IS VERY EXCITING. MOMMY LOOK WHAT I DID! And the mommy-look-what-I-dids are awesome and I’m not complaining about them. But there’s also the conversations that go like this, when you’re in the middle of folding laundry or washing dishes or making almond milk because you’re a goddamn hippie or editing summaries of court of appeals opinions:

Him: Mommy, can I have [insert name of thing here]?

Me: Yes, just a minute.

Him: Mommy, can I have [insert name of thing here]?

Me: Yes, in a minute.

Him: Mommy, can I have [insert name of thing here]?

Me: Son, you need to learn the value of patience. (Not really.)

Him: Mommy, can I have [insert name of thing here]?

Me: One second!

Him: Mommy, can I have [insert name of thing here]?

Me: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

When you’re 3 1/2, there is no “in a minute.” There is only now. And that’s cool, but I’m not particularly well-suited for dealing with these kinds of intrusions on my flow. In the rare event I’m focusing on completing a given task, I want to complete the shit out of that task before I go get you something else and then wander around for the next half hour like I just consumed too much mescaline in Vegas in 1971.

Today out of nowhere, Soren looked at me and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry I’ve been getting you all riled up lately.” To tell you the truth, he kind of rolled over “riled up,” like he knew what he wanted to say but wasn’t sure he was saying it right. “I’m sorry I’ve been so grumpy,” I said, and gave him a hug. “Now we can be friends again,” he said. And I hugged him forever and we were friends again until five minutes later when he yelled and asked me for something 900 times and then we were friends again and when you’re 3 1/2, the highs are so high but man, the lows are so low and you never know what you’re going to get next.

Also your 3 1/2-year-old might sing this song 800 times a day.