Archive for the 'Bitching' Category

Tony Gonzalez and WTF is a Neo-Vegan?

August 15, 2008

As a vegetarian, I’m always interested to learn about professional athletes who also are vegetarians or might lean in that direction. It’s not all that common.

Today, Michael Silver’s “The Gameface” on Yahoo! featured Tony Gonzalez and his “neo-vegan” diet. I’ve never heard of “neo-vegan” before, but according to the article it involves “swearing off most dairy products and meat,” eating fish and “the occasional chicken dish,” and lecturing other people about what they eat.

I’ll give props to Gonzales for a few things. First, he’s really thinking about what he eats and trying to be healthy. That’s cool. Also, I’ll never fault someone for giving up some or all meat and dairy products. Finally, I won’t blame him for the term “neo-vegan,” because he doesn’t use it himself.

But?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Bitching, Food, Hit by a Pitch, Sports | 5 Comments »

The Return of the Enver Nuggets

July 15, 2008

It looks like 2008 will be the return of the Enver Nuggets, the team with no D. The Nuggets traded Marcus Camby to the Los Angeles Clippers for a future second-round draft pick.

This is the stupidest move, ever. If I had to make a top-10 stupid trades list, this would be up there. (Hey, maybe I’ll do that some day, when I’m less pissed off than I am right now.)

Maybe somebody in the front office is allergic to rebounding. First they got rid of Reggie Evans — yeah, I know, my Iowa love for him aside, he’s not all that or anything. Then they get rid of Camby. Who in the hell is going to rebound now? How in the hell are they going to play their fast-paced, hustle game without anybody pounding the boards? Shit, I don’t want to sound like John Madden, but you can’t run with the ball if you don’t have the ball. Who in the hell is going to get the ball?

I know I love Marcus Camby more than I should, probably, but he was the team’s defense. Without him, they’re going to suck even more than they already did. I’ve said it before, but I think he was a strong, stabilizing force in the locker room and probably the closest thing to a leader this sorry team had.

And let me just go on the record right now — if they had to make a blue-light special move for salary cap space, I’d rather they moved Carmelo Anthony. Don’t get me wrong — I don’t hate Melo, and I don’t blame him for the lame-ass season we ended up with last year. However, let’s face it, he’s not getting any better and he’s one fuck up away from being completely untouchable. One more DUI charge, “it’s not my backpack” incident, or misguided video, and no team in the world will trade for him. If he keeps stagnating, playing lazy, and being a generally selfish player, we’ll be stuck with him.

Well. I thought a little bitching would make me feel better, but it really didn’t.

Posted in Bitching, Carmelo Anthony, Hit by a Pitch, NBA, Nuggets, Sports, Sports/News, Stupid trades, Transactions | 3 Comments »

It’s not you. It’s me.

February 26, 2008

Dear Denver Nuggets,

We’ve been together for a while now, and as with any relationship, we have our ups and downs. The good times have been amazing, and when you brought me Allen Iverson for my birthday, I thought my love for you would last forever.

Today, though, I’m not so sure. I don’t even have anything to say to you right now. You’ve been letting yourself go. Look at yourself, and look at the Utah Jazz, and tell me why they’re three games ahead of you in the division. That doesn’t even make sense. You looked HOT that night against the Celtics. Then you play down to teams like the Bulls and the Bucks, like you think you’re all that, when in reality you’re the guy who looks kind of hot but then does something really stupid, and I realize that I deserve better.

I’m not trying to harp on your weaknesses or leave you when you’re down, but let’s be honest. You need to figure out who’s going to lead this team. You need to get your free-throw percentage out of the crapper and find some defense. You need some time to get your shit together. You have to work on yourself before you can be in a relationship with any self-respecting fan.

I think maybe I should see other teams. We can do this on a trial basis — you know how Andrei Kirilenko has a sex allowance? I’d like to have a team allowance. For one week per year, I can cheer for another team. This is only reasonable — you have to understand the temptation I’m faced with every day, watching NBA highlights on ESPN and seeing all these teams that actually have a chance of getting past the first round in the playoffs this year.

I hope you’ll use this time to figure out how to fix everything that hasn’t been working for you lately. I’m not saying that we should break up — I just need some space. Maybe I’ll spend some time with Pistons. They’re kind of hot, you know, but you probably don’t want to talk about that. No problem. See you in a week.

Love,
HBP

Posted in Bitching, Hit by a Pitch, NBA, Nuggets, Sports | 2 Comments »

What’s with Valentine crap and sports radio?

February 12, 2008

I listen to local sports radio in the morning while getting ready for work and during my lunch break. For the most part, I find the discussion insightful and interesting, unless it involves crazy talk about the Nuggets (they need to trade everybody on the roster for Jason Kidd) or crazy talk about Avalanche (they need to pay eleventy billion dollars for some guy who is old and hurt).

But holy hell, for the past two weeks they’ve been talking about Valentine’s Day, like, nonstop. They’ve had a million commercials for Valentine-related crap every day. It’s worse than those membership drives on public radio.

If I were to believe local sports radio, I would think the following about Valentine’s Day:

  • all women care a lot about Valentine’s Day
  • all guys hate Valentine’s Day and think it’s a bunch of crap but buy stuff anyway because they have to
  • Valentine’s Day presents can consist of jewelry (especially diamonds, because nothing says love like the oppression and torture of people in Africa), roses, chocolates, champagne, teddy bears, pajamas, or a gift certificate to a spa
  • Valentine’s Day is all about women and buying them stuff
  • guys might not understand it, but this entire process is VERY meaningful and you might end up “in the doghouse” if you don’t comply.

I even got a spam comment on this blog, saying something like, hey guys, now that football is over, it’s time to stop ignoring your girlfriend — buy her some overpriced flowers. Wait, what? Listen buddy, I’m a woman who writes about sports. If my boyfriend ignored me during football season, it would be because he was sick of me drinking beer and screaming at Rex Grossman. Flowers aren’t going to make up for that, unless they come with a few four-packs of Gordon.

Here’s the thing. I’m a woman and I don’t give a rat’s ass about Valentine’s Day. I don’t want flowers, heart-shaped chocolates, diamonds, or any other cheeseball crap that is less thoughtful and original than a Jay Mariotti column. I can’t be the only one, right?

In theory, I suppose Valentine’s Day isn’t such a bad thing. In theory, it tells us to take a day to appreciate those we love and do something extra to show we care and maybe give a little present to serve as a reminder of the fact that we love them. That’s fine, and it’s cool if you have your own way of making Valentine’s Day special — but how does going to the store and buying a dozen roses and a box of chocolates because that’s what you’re “supposed to do” serve this purpose? It doesn’t. It’s a cheesy copout and people only do it because marketing has convinced them that it’s required — it’s also incredibly boring and predictable. Where’s the fun and romance in that?

Even though the idea of showing your love on Valentine’s Day might be kind of nice, none of this commercialized crap does that. Buying a diamond necklace doesn’t show that you love someone. You show that you love someone by how you act every day of the year. It doesn’t require a special day or a gift that comes with a vase or silk boxers (ew). All this Valentine’s Day hype is just silly.

Don’t let the sports stations tell you otherwise. And don’t let them convince you that trading Marcus Camby is a good idea.

    Posted in Bitching, Hit by a Pitch, Sports, and life | 3 Comments »

    ABC: Always Busy Sucking

    September 20, 2007

    This isn’t wise, but all week, I have been looking forward to watching the Iowa-Wisconsin game on Saturday evening. I checked the listings the other day to verify that’s what would be on my local ABC channel and this is dorky and stupid, but I have been looking forward to it. This would be my first ever opportunity to watch Iowa in HD from the comfort of my own home, with some good beer.

    A few minutes ago, I figured I should check again — one time last year, there was supposed to be an Iowa game on some channel, and then they changed it and put on something stupid. Guess what? The ABC listing changed. THEY ARE SHOWING THE USC-WASHINGTON STATE GAME. Why? WHY? Do you know how many people in Denver are from the midwest? Most of them. There are no people from Washington, and everybody from California is out crashing into stuff on the highways so they’re totally not watching TV. WHY IN THE HELL ARE THEY SHOWING THIS GAME? WHY?!

    I hate you, ABC. If I saw you on the street, I’d punch you in the face.

    Oh and also, today I got my Sports Illustrated, and the cover asks, “Pac 10 or SEC: Which is Stronger?” Oh my god, I do not care. Can these conferences I don’t care about stop with the penis measuring already and agree to disagree? I’d rather spend a day with that Ohio State mascot that has been described as a piece of corn covered with poo than hear one more thing about the Pac 10 or the SEC. I miss you, Big 10. You’re the only one for me.

    Posted in Assholery, Bitching, Hit by a Pitch, Iowa Hawkeyes, NCAA football, Sports | 5 Comments »

    College football is getting a little ridiculous.

    September 18, 2007

    I was afraid this day would come — the day I seriously start to lose interest in college football. Sure, I’m down right now because my Hawkeyes lost to Iowa State, which is inexcusable but totally what happens when your offensive line consists of toddlers who couldn’t win a game of red rover. As the seconds ran out on that game, I realized that it was all over for the season. Maybe if they’re lucky, they’ll get to the Flavorless Salsa with Gross Chunks of Tomato Chip and Dip Bowl sponsored by the new gross cheese thing from Taco Bell, where hopefully the refs won’t completely screw them over like they did in the 2006 Outback Bowl.

    In college football, if you want to play for the “national championship” or in a bowl game that actually means something, you can’t lose more than what, one game all season? That sucks.

    Because the Hawks aren’t ranked and I don’t still live in an apartment a few blocks off campus, I can’t even see them on TV most of the time. I get games like USC at Nebraska, which is great, because I totally want to watch some guys I don’t care about score 900 points against a team from a state with a panhandle.

    So many college games feature one team being completely dismantled by another team. I don’t find it remotely entertaining to watch anybody win games by a million points all the time — it’s like when I watch ESPN and see the women’s college basketball scores at the bottom of the screen, and it’s always 57-18 or some shit. That’s not interesting and nobody wants to see it. Last week’s Michigan-Notre Dame game, which was nationally televised (why?) ended with a 38-0 score. Unless you’re sitting in The Big House after drinking for hours, there is no reason to watch this crap.

    My main problems with college football are:

    • there are too many teams
    • there is too much emphasis on tradition
    • rankings are subjective and pointless.

    I won’t suggest getting rid of teams, but I think I’m in favor of giving up the quest for an NCAA football national championship. There’s no way to put together something that even comes close to the awesomeness of NCAA hoops, which features, hands down, the best tournament in sports. Why not just have conference tournaments and leave it at that? I’d rather watch Big 10 teams battle it out than pretend to give a shit about the SEC or the Pac 10. Nobody is satisfied with the way the “national championship” is awarded now (except fans of the team that wins), so we’re not really losing anything.

    Next, let’s get over the tradition. I don’t care that Notre Dame used to be good — they were good at one time, so we’re supposed to give a shit and want to watch their loser asses get pounded on national TV. I’m supposed to care about teams from the south where people yell a bunch of shit that doesn’t make sense, like “Roll Tide” and “War Eagle” — WTF is that? Aside from the fact that I think Florida’s frumpy alligator is cute as hell, I don’t care to figure out how Florida differs from Florida State. Florida is hot and humid and full of old people and had that one basketball guy who I think is with the Bulls now, and I just don’t care.

    Don’t even get me started on the rankings. When I want to pretend it’s interesting to give a shit about what some bitches think about who should be number one and who should be sent home broken hearted, I have a few beers and watch America’s Next Top Model. I think Tyra should have bangs, and I think NCAA football needs to get over itself and cater to fans who like their team, but don’t have 100 extra hours a week to spend following teams from all over the country.

    In my dream world, you’d be able to order a la carte cable coverage of your team and its conference. Even though I live in Colorado, I could order up Iowa coverage, including all games and local news about the team. That would be sweet, even if they lose to Wisconsin this week. As luck would have it, my local ABC affiliate is showing that game instead of that west coast matchup I don’t care about, where one team will score 82 and the other will score 13.

    Go Hawks. It’s up to you to restore my faith in college football.

    Posted in Bitching, Hit by a Pitch, Iowa Hawkeyes, NCAA football, Sports | 2 Comments »