Archive for the 'Drinking beer' Category

Suggestion for Jerry Owens

February 27, 2008

Hi. I’m not quite ready to start thinking about baseball yet. I probably should be at least a little excited, because my teams played each other today, but eh, it doesn’t count and I’m very busy being mad at the Nuggets (shhhh, don’t tell them I’m watching their game right now).

However, I have a suggestion for Jerry Owens and I want to put it out there right away, so maybe he can find out about it because it’s the best idea anybody has ever had (shhhh, don’t tell anybody I’ve been drinking and totally overestimate the awesomeness of my stupid ideas). Last week, I read about how Jerry Owens is talking some shit about how many bases he’s going to steal this season (the article is here). He plans to rack up 65 stolen bases, putting him ahead of the awesomely speedy Scott Podsednik (I hope we see him in a Rockies uniform this year because having one of my 2005 World Series White Sox players here in Denver is my #2 ultimate dream, ultimate dream #1 being Jon Garland showing up at my house to declare his undying love for me) who stole 59 in 2004-05.

I know — I’m biased because Jerry Owens is a cutie and I just kinda like him. But don’t let that distract you from his awesome attitude. Seriously. Here’s a quote from the article:

My mom always told me to set the goal high and as soon as you get it, set another one. Every year I’ve improved my stolen base total. I had 56 last year combined [with the Sox and Triple-A Charlotte], and this year it’s 65.

How awesome is that? He mentions mom and kicking ass at the same time. I wish he could come play for the Nuggets.

But anyway, if there’s one thing I know well, it’s the at-bat music of Colorado Rockies players. That’s not exactly helpful here, but hey, I’ve tried to learn about at-bat music for the White Sox, although it’s not really that easy when you’re not there to go to White Sox games. Believe it or not, there’s some inaccurate information about baseball entrance music on the internet, so I don’t always trust what I find out there.

Anyway, according to the internet, Jerry Owens had some Dr. Dre music last year. That’s great and I love Dre as much as the next person, but Jerry Owens needs to rethink his musical selection. Here’s the thing. Jerry Owens needs to use the song “Watch My Feet” by Dude N Nem as his at-bat music. Seriously. These guys are from the South Side of Chicago. The song is the best thing I’ve heard in at least a year. For real. Dude (or is that Nem?) even wears a Sox hat in the video. Check it out.

I’m right, aren’t I? And holy crap that makes me miss Chicago. Jerry Owens, I hope you find this. The universe intended this song for you.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about baseball today. I have to go back to not watching the second half of the Nuggets game.

Posted in Drinking beer, Hit by a Pitch, Jerry Owens, MLB, Music, Players we like, Sports, White Sox | No Comments »

Who’s your team?

October 27, 2007

I’ve written about moving to a new city and the old team/new team dynamic before (here, for example). After four years as a resident of Colorado, it’s pretty clear how my team loyalties line up:

Nuggets > Bulls
White Sox > Rockies
Bears = Broncos (I don’t know what I’ll do when they play each other next month)

If anyone thinks it’s lame to be a fan of, say, the Bears and the Broncos, that’s fine with me. I’m going to be a fan of the Bears and the Broncos for the rest of my life, and that’s just how it is. It would be easier to have only one team, but I can’t leave my old team and I can’t resist my new team.

On Thursday, we perched on barstools at Goose Island until our butts hurt, watching the entire Rockies/Red Sox game. The Rockies should have and could have won that game, but that’s beside the point right now. I want to talk about Red Sox fans.

I’m not going to be overly critical and shit-talky like I was that time with the Cubs. There’s no reason for that, and I’d just piss people off because really, Red Sox fans annoy me. But for now, I just want to know — who are Red Sox fans?

On Thursday, there were two guys wearing Red Sox stuff at Goose Island — a guy at the bar wearing a Red Sox hat, and another guy in a Red Sox t-shirt. Neither of them even glanced at a TV showing game 2 of the World Series.

I’m sure most people don’t take things like team hats as seriously as I do. I don’t wear a White Sox hat or a Rockies hat because it’s hiding my bed head — I wear it because I love my teams. It also might be hiding bed head, but I wouldn’t wear a hat if I didn’t love the team. When I see other people wearing team hats, I always assume, just for a second, that they love their team as much as I love mine. I’m trying to stop doing that, but it’s always my first reaction. (Don’t get me started on the ridiculous way I always refer to White Sox fans as “my people” and say hi to them.)

The two guys at Goose Island representing the Red Sox but not watching the game made me wonder — who are Red Sox fans? I mean, hell, there always seems to be a ton of them everywhere. Who are they? Are they just guys wearing hats to hide their bed head? Are they serious fans? There’s some of each, right?

Maybe those who are serious fans used to live in Boston and moved but still love their team. Can that account for the millions of Red Sox fans all over the country? According to the 2005 census, Boston has a population of 559,034. That’s not very many people. By contrast, in 2005, New York had 8,143,197 people and Chicago had 2,842,518. It makes sense that some of the 8+ million people from New York move away and wear Yankees hats in their new cities. Same with the Cubs. Do just as many people leave Boston? If so, Boston must suck ass.

According to the 2005 census, Denver had almost as many people as Boston — 557,917. You sure don’t see Rockies fans all over the country the way you see Red Sox fans all over the country. Why is that? Even taking into account the fact that the Rockies are a very new team and the Red Sox are a very old team (and the fact that the Red Sox traditionally are a better team than the Rockies), there is a huge disparity. Do people leave Boston the same way people move to Denver?

Or do people become Red Sox fans for no good reason? If so, that’s weak.

I don’t know. I kind of want to understand and I kind of want to talk shit. I’ve never become a fan of a team that isn’t from my city. Is that common? How does it work? Do people just jump on the next exciting bandwagon and then find someone else next year, or is there loyalty? If you’re not connected by geography, what binds you to your team? If you’re a Red Sox fan (and you’re not in or from Boston), why?

Posted in Drinking beer, Hit by a Pitch, MLB, Rockies, Sports, Talking shit, Teams, White Sox, White Sox fans in Denver | 6 Comments »

Boykins-sized update

October 9, 2007
  • World Series tickets for Rockies home games go on sale Monday October 22 at 10 a.m. Holy crap!!
  • Willy Taveres might be ready to play in the NLCS, which starts Friday.
  • I’ll be at the first-ever NLCS game played at Coors Field this Sunday.
  • The Nuggets beat the Clippers 119-107 in the first preseason game of the year.
  • Sometime over the summer, DerMarr Johnson up and went to Italy.
  • Brandon Marshall is an asshole.
  • The greatest event of the year is later this week: the Great American Beer Festival.

Posted in Assholery, Broncos, Drinking beer, Hit by a Pitch, MLB, NBA, NFL, Nuggets, Rockies, Sports, Sports/News | 2 Comments »

Banned from pick ‘em

October 3, 2007

It was a sad day Monday when I realized that the person who just circled all the “away” teams did better with football picks than I did. I’m pretty good at fantasy football but suck ass when it comes to football picks. Here’s something I don’t tell everyone (well, I guess I do now that I’m writing it here) — I got FOUR games right this week. Yeah. FOUR. A blind monkey with no arms could throw darts at a list of teams and get more right than that.

Here’s the thing — I know why I suck at picks and I’m totally okay with it. I can’t separate what I want to happen from what is likely to happen. I don’t like to sit around on Saturday afternoon and think about who is going to win. I like to think about who I want to win. I mean, I’m not completely unreasonable when I do this — I want the Broncos to win, but I know they’re not going to beat the Colts. But the Bears could beat the Lions, and I want the Bears to beat the Lions, so that’s what I’m going to pick and, more often than not, I’m going to be wrong.

So I’m just going to roll with that. I’ve never posted game picks here and I never will, because I’m not good at it and I don’t care about it enough to make an effort. Fantasy football picks are another story, and I might start posting those, although if Steve Smith doesn’t get his shit together, I might not be good at that, either.

Assuming I suck at baseball picks as much as I suck at football picks, here is what I want to happen:

Rockies > Phillies (sorry Jose)
Cubs > Diamondbacks
Angels > Red Sox
Indians > Yankees
–
Rockies > Cubs
Angels > Indians
–
Rockies > Angels

Posted in Drinking beer, Fantasy football, Hit by a Pitch, MLB, NFL, Sports | 2 Comments »

ADHD and the Art of Fantasy Football

September 5, 2007

I do fantasy football like I do everything. At some point during the preseason, I think: Holy crap, fantasy football! and get really excited about it. I declare this as the year in which I will research and plan my team while avoiding the pitfalls of being guided by emotion. I read half of every Sports Illustrated article on fantasy football and numerous magazines, folded open to pages discussing the risks of the running-back-by-committee scheme, accumulate in the bathroom. I remember bits and pieces and names like Steven Jackson float around in my head, but I never develop a strategy. Like every appointment and date I ever have, I don’t keep track of when exactly the first game happens, but every once in a while, I think about how it’s really soon and I should prepare. I hear about leagues and it’s always too early and I’m not ready.

Before you can even say Tampa 2 it’s the night before the first real NFL game and I haven’t done jack shit to figure out my team or join a league. So I do what I always do. I surround myself with unread articles and unfinished research, drink several beers, gather the few lost souls who haven’t gotten their shit together yet either (there are three of us), show up in the espn.com live draft lobby to see what other slackers are ready for a live draft, and make a bunch of picks based on what little I’ve learned and my gut feeling, which has been known to make me pick a kicker first (I’m not kidding, but to be fair, that was the first time I ever played fantasy football and I was convinced that I would be stricken by the plague if I didn’t get Jason Elam).

So here I am. I’m on beer number two. I’ve poked my head into the live draft lobby a few times, but haven’t committed to anything yet. Soon. I’m almost ready, now that the White Sox have lost in extra innings and I have no other distractions.

Because I’m crazy, I’m going to share this journey with you. I think people refer to this as “live blogging,” but I think use of the word “blogging” should result in a punch to the face, so I won’t say that. I’ll just write a bunch of shit while I do my draft and drink beer. I’m sure I’ll hate myself in the morning.

___

Okay, we’re in the waiting room for a live draft that will begin in 2:30. Ten teams. I was #2 joining. Does that mean I pick second? If so, I’m assuming LT goes #1 and I’ll take Steven Jackson.

Round 1: I pick 5th. This means my knowledge of Steven Jackson will do me no good. I take Willie Parker because I don’t like the 49ers.

Round 2: Steve Smith is my fantasy football husband. We’ve been together for years.

Round 3: I go with a QB and take Carson Palmer.

Round 4: It’s too soon to take a tight end, but holy shit I want Antonio Gates because he’s freaking awesome.

Round 5: Brandon Jacobs is the new Tiki Barber, who was my fantasy football other man. This is not wise.

Round 6: I don’t care if it’s too early to take a defense. I need the Bears. I don’t care if nobody understands our love.

Round 7: Shit, Randy Moss is still here. Oh Randy. You’re probably going to break my heart, but I’ve been talking all kinds of shit for weeks about how you’re going to have an awesome year. I hate the Patriots, but okay, we can be together, just this once. Don’t tell anyone.

This is when I lose track and start talking shit to the other people drafting. Eventually I pick Devin Hester and then Garrett Wolfe. This is why I don’t win fantasy football — I get really excited about obscure picks and end up with a team so full of sleepers a kiss from an enchanted prince couldn’t wake them up to score enough points.

Kids, if you learn anything today, let it be this: Please, take fantasy football seriously and learn from my mistakes. If you don’t, you might end up with a roster that looks like this:

Travis Henry is your daddy:

QB: Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart, Jake Delhomme
RB: Willie Parker, Brandon Jacobs, Ladell Betts LenDale White (I meant to get Ladell Betts WTF), Reuben Droughns, Garrett Wolfe (!)
WR: Steve Smith (my fantasy football husband), Devin Hester, Randy Moss
TE: Antonio Gates, Dallas Clark
K: Robbie Gould
D/ST: Bears, Eagles

Posted in Drinking beer, Fantasy football, Garrett Wolfe, NFL, Sports | 1 Comment »