Fantasy Football 2009 and Broncos Prediction

Here is my fantasy football roster for the 2009-10 season. (Remember, I won my league last year — you can see who I drafted here.) We have 10 teams and I picked sixth. We have a flex WR/RB position this year, which is awesome (last year we played 3 WRs and 2 RBs every week, which I hated.) As you can see, I went a little crazy with the RBs again. I tend to do that, but it works.

QB: Tom Brady, Eli Manning, Jason Campbell

RB: DeAngelo Williams, Darren McFadden (I already don’t like this), Ray Rice, Felix Jones, Willis McGahee, Shonn Greene (my crazy sleeper pick of the year — go Hawks!)

WR: Anquan Boldin, Dwayne Bowe, Antonio Bryant

TE: Tony Gonzalez, Anthony Fasano

D/ST: Titans

K: Elam

My prediction for the Denver Broncos? (Remember, I predicted 8-8 last year, which was correct.) This year, they’ll go 4-12 (I almost said 3-13 but they might be able to steal a fourth win, maybe from the Redskins.

My Boyfriend Jon Garland

I think the reason I haven’t written about sports lately is that I haven’t been drunk or even buzzed since February. February! I’m not saying I need alcohol to write about sports, but I’m definitely more inclined to talk shit when I’m having a couple beers and for me at least, talking shit = talking sports. I haven’t been talking shit lately and, as a result, haven’t been talking about sports. Weak, I know.

However! Something v. exciting is happening in my sports world tomorrow. As you might know, I am deeply in love with MLB pitcher Jon Garland, formerly of the Chicago White Sox and Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (Why don’t they just call them the Anaheim Angels? I mean, they’re one of those teams that isn’t my team but I still like, and even I think “Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim” makes them sound like a bunch of assholes.) currently and unfortunately of the basement-dwelling Arizona Diamondbacks. The last time the D’backs were in town, Jon Garland did not pitch. They’re in town again, and Jon Garland is pitching tomorrow. It just so happens (!) that we have tickets for tomorrow’s game. We don’t usually do day games, but obviously this time will be an exception.

For the first time in my life, I will get to see the man I refer to as “my boyfriend Jon Garland” live and in person. So exciting! I’ve loved him from afar for years and clearly, the fact that he is here and I’m going to the game means our love is meant to be. Did you know that he listens to reggae? It’s true! Does he smoke weed? I have no idea, but more than one person has found my blog by googling that very question.

Of course, I hope the Rockies win the game. I just hope they do it by taking advantage of shoddy pitching from the D’backs’ bullpen and not because of a less-than-stellar performance from the man of my dreams.

This is quite possibly the stupidest post I’ve ever written, which is really saying something. I kind of hate it when women are all gaga over athletes and shit, but I’ll write about it just this once. Jon Garland is my exception.

Why an animal abuser deserves more jail time than a guy who kills someone.

Today I had to turn off the local sports radio station because it pissed me off so much. The discussion went something like this:

Michael Vick abused some dogs and got sent to prison for two years.

JR Smith was recklessly driving and killed a guy and got sent to jail for 30 days.

Therefore, the criminal justice system says dogs > humans.

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Rockies At-Bat Music 2009

Well, better late than never, right?

This is the third year I’ve tried to keep track of the music used by Colorado Rockies players during games (you can read the 2007 post here and the 2008 post here). So, now it’s time for 2009, finally. It was much easier for me to make the list this year thanks to iPhones and the Shazam app (seriously, if you don’t have it, get it — it’s awesome).

The list is in alphabetical order again this year, and I won’t take anyone off who gets sent to the minors (sorry, Jason!) or put on the DL. I’ll update as I get more songs.

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The Amazing, um, Whatever!

So I was just hanging out, watching B make me dinner (I know!) and drinking a Mojo IPA (which is magically delicious). I’m missing Nuggets games and trying to give a crap about two teams from Texas playing each other, which isn’t working. That leaves plenty of room for my mind to wander. And here’s what happened.

I was thinking about the Amazing Race, which is one of my favorite TV shows of all time (my favorite TV show is the First 48, which I guess is kind of a stupid show to have as a favorite, but whatever — I also really liked that show about the bounty hunter from Sacramento who was the awesomest bounty hunter ever and wore a ring shaped like a horseshoe and I secretly want to be a bounty hunter one day but that’s another story). I watch way too much TV, although I will never admit this in person, apparently because I like to try to seem cooler than I am, which is lame.

I’ve also been thinking about dogs a lot lately. In an effort to make our puppy turn out normal and not like Coltrane who is totally awesome except if you try to take him anywhere in which case he is Satan-with-a-capital-S, we’ve been taking her to class. This came as a total surprise to us, but it turns out she’s smart. Really smart! Every week, we go to class and everybody compliments us on practicing so much with her and we didn’t really practice with her much at all. It’s like when you’re in law school and you didn’t actually read the case but you get called on and just blurt out something totally brilliant and everybody freaks out and secretly hates you. She’s so smart you can’t tell we totally suck and don’t really do much but sit on our asses all the time. This made me realize that, holy crap, if we actually did practice with her, well, eventually we’d be able to take over the universe. That’s kind of cool. So I’ve been practicing. I even signed us up for the level-2 class, where we learn some fancy dog stuff and start to get into agility. Although, to be honest, “stay” is really hard. She’s usually too excited to stay. She wants to lick your face and jump up and down and do normal, spazzy min pin stuff.

I’ve needed a hobby for a long time. I don’t really have any hobbies. Maybe going to the gym counts as a hobby, but that’s kind of lame — it’s something I do because I do it, but not because it’s, like, amazing fun. It does take up a lot of my free time, though. But even if you count that as a sort-of hobby, I kind of still need something else. Something really fun.

If you combine my need for a hobby with my smarty-pants dog, it becomes obvious that we should probably get into dog agility. I’m going to check out a meet in a couple months and start figuring out how to do dog agility stuff. Do I have to get ugly shoes? I don’t know. I hope not.

It seems like I’m going off on a total tangent here and I am, but there’s a point I’ll reach, eventually. And that is: What if there was a show like the Amazing Race, but with dogs? Wouldn’t that be the shit? Like, you travel around with your dog and you and your dog both have to complete tasks to get your next clue. Maybe your dog has to get a treat out of a ferret toy or run an agility course or, I don’t know, wear brandy around her neck and rescue someone who was buried by an avalanche in the Swiss Alps or whatever. Of course this is a good idea for me, because I love the Amazing Race but am too wussy to do all the shit they make you do. I couldn’t eat cow brains or drink a gigantic glass of milk after taking 1,000 trains in a foreign country. And I have a really smart little dog who can, like, carry my dead weight and win us a bunch of cash. It could be called The Amazing Dog or something stupid, but I think it would be really cool. It would be a bonus if you could participate without having to fly, because I’m like John Madden in that respect, which would make me a terrible contestant for the actual Amazing Race. But maybe in the dog version, you could just drive around the country in a Subaru. I could do that.

That would be cool. And I bet more people would watch that than some of the shit that’s on TV.

Here’s some music for you.

I just hand picked, for your enjoyment, the top 29 (I tried for 25 but had too many) songs you should be listening to right now.

The first two aren’t really songs, so I’m not including them in the list, but I’m telling you about them because they’re the shit. The bonus items and several of the songs have “bad” language, so beware if that sort of thing bothers you.

*Bonus #1: Feed the Animals by Girl Talk (get it here — pay what you wish or free). This is the greatest musical accomplishment of the last decade. I’m not kidding. Really. Trust me. Go download it now.

*Bonus #2: B’s latest mashup mix (get it here — free).

The rest of the awesomeness is after the jump.

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