sports and life @ 5280
This is old news, but I’m a slacker.
Well, crap. The Idaho Stampede waived Jamaal Tatum (injury) on December 6.
The Colorado 14ers waived Julian Sensley (injury) on December 17.
Coby Karl was recalled by the Lakers on December 24.
DerMarr “Best Hair in the NBA” Johnson was signed by the San Antonio Spurs on December 29. I like DerMarr, but ew, I hate the Spurs.
Julius Hodge is now with the Adelaide 36ers of Australia’s National Basketball League.
According to my blog stats, there are quite a few people who find me by googling some version of “I hate the Spurs.” If you’re here because you hate the Spurs, welcome!
Right now, I just want to point you in the direction of this awesome column written by Bill Simmons of ESPN. For the most part, it says everything I’ve been thinking better than I could say it.
Sometime in the near future, I want to talk about how David Stern interpreted and enforced what Simmons refers to as a “stupid, idiotic, foolish, moronic, brainless, unintelligent, foolhardy, imprudent, thoughtless, obtuse and thickheaded rule.” For now, I’ll just say that nobody but Antonin Scalia would be so proud of such a strict, ridiculous interpretation of a rule. As a lawyer, David Stern should know better.
If Robert Horry isn’t suspended for the rest of the season, I might be done with the NBA.
It’s no secret that I hate the Spurs more than just about anything in sports. On my scale of hatred, I’d rank them as slightly more hateful than the Yankees and slightly less hateful than Barry Bonds.
Last night, while watching the game and yelling and swearing even more than usual, I tried to figure out why I hate the Spurs as much as I do. Sure, I’m still smarting from the way they dismantled the Nuggets — but that’s not really it. There’s something more to it than that.
Then it hit me like Manu hits the floor — I hate the Spurs because they’re pussies.
Sure, the Spurs are known for winning championships, playing killer defense, and being a good team. They’re also known for flopping and whining. What really pisses me off is that this crap, more often than not, works for them. If the Spurs stopped bitching about every single foul and quit flopping, would they be as successful as they are? It’s hard to say, but I doubt it. They seem smart enough that they’d be able to recognize that complaints and flops weren’t getting them anywhere and then develop a new strategy.
Of course, the NBA doesn’t have any rules against flopping and complaining — well, I guess they still have that rule about calling technicals on anybody who complains about a call, but that’s rarely enforced any more. So none of what bugs me so much about the Spurs is against the rules — maybe it shouldn’t bother me. It does bother me, though, because flopping and whining are for pussies, and I hate pussies.
Because I don’t care about the Spurs and only watched them when they played the Nuggets, I wasn’t aware of the more sinister side — what Amare Stoudemire referred to as “dirty” last Thursday. Now that I think about it, though, Stoudemire is right. They are a dirty team. The whining and flopping is nothing more than a technique used to manipulate the referees into giving them what they want. Really, it disgusts me that they get away with it at all. They knee and kick other players — some call it “physical” but there are times it crosses the line into dirty territory.
It crossed into dirty territory last night when Robert “Hit-Man” Horry threw Steve Nash off the court. It was unnecessary, violent, and looked like an action intended to cause injury. Fortunately, it didn’t escalate into a brawl like the Nuggets/Knicks melee earlier this year that resulted in numerous (some ridiculous) suspensions. This incident should result in one suspension — Robert Horry. For the rest of the season.
I don’t want to see any bullshittery that involves suspending players who got up off the bench — mainly Amare Stoudemire (although the Suns claim he was getting ready to check back into the game at the time). No punches were thrown or even threatened and it’s time for the NBA to realize that when shady shit happens on the court, people get mad and react. If no harm comes of it, just let it go. To do otherwise risks legitimizing thuggish on-court behavior as a game tactic (even more than letting Bowen get away with so much crap does).
Of course, I’m biased. I have a new-found love of Amare Stoudemire and want to see him kick some Spurs ass (in a completely non-dirty way, of course) in the next game.
As we count down the final minutes until game four of the Nuggets/Spurs series, I’d like to share my thoughts on what the Nuggets need to do to win.
1. Stop playing defense like pussies. I’d be distracted by Manu’s bald spot, too, but don’t let that flopping jackass or Tony Parker (who traveled every time he had the ball on Saturday and I’m not kidding) get in there and make shots. Foul Duncan’s stupid ass so he has to make free throws. Put in Reggie Evans to bring some energy. They’ll call 100 fouls on him in a minute, but who cares? It might mess with the Spurs’ mojo. You also need to stop all the 70-year-olds who play for the Spurs from pushing their walkers up to the three-point line and making shots all night.
2. Nene needs to drive to the hoop and the other guys need to get him the ball so he can drive to the hoop. In game one, it was obvious that Dumbcan couldn’t hang with Nene. I still don’t think he can, but somebody needs to tell Nene that.
3. If you pass the ball, you won’t get SARS. Assists aren’t bad things. Do you know how many assists Melo has in this entire series? Three. Three. Now, I don’t want to talk shit, but my mom could have more than three assists in three games.
4. They’re called free throws. Make them.
5. Kleiza needs to take some shots. On Saturday, he didn’t play many minutes, but nobody was guarding him for at least half of them. Somebody needs to get him the ball and he needs to go for it. Yes, LK, you’re nervous. Pretend everybody in the entire Pepsi Center just flew in from Lithuania to see your ass score a few points.
6. J.R. Smith needs to chill the hell out.
7. The refs need to get out from up the Spurs’ ass. There, I said it. I haven’t wanted to write about this because I can’t get my head around the level of bullshittery that went on with the officiating on Saturday. I’m not going to blame the loss on the officiating, but I was really wondering why the refs want the Spurs to win so badly that they gave George Karl a technical for leaving the coach’s box (what?!!). They really called some crazy shit and didn’t call some crazy shit. Was it David Stern’s stern presence? I have no idea — but it sucked.
I really hope the Nugs can kick some ass tonight. If they don’t, it’s all over for another year, and that would really suck.
There is a hell of a lot going on in my sports universe these days, but I’ve been too lazy to write anything of substance. Therefore, I will talk shit — I need to get mentally prepared for tomorrow’s game, which I will be attending. I’m still hoping to pull off some large-scale organized heckling — imagine if everybody in the Pepsi Center started yelling “Take your pants off!!!” with 8:11 left in the third quarter — it would be mayhem and Ginobili would freak out and die.
Most of my Spurs heckling thus far has focused on the obvious targets, like Duncan and Ginobili. But what about the under-heckled players? What about Fabricio Oberto?
Today, I will give him a makeover. I mean, really, he looks like he’s letting himself go, don’t you think? It won’t be long before he’s making a run to the grocery store at 3 a.m. wearing sweatpants and a chocolate-ice-cream-stained t-shirt, looking for frozen mac n’ cheese, Twinkies, and People magazine. What’s with his tooth?
Maybe he needs to get some bangs and go blonde.
Or he could get an Anderson Varejao.
Jaslene, you are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model.
Oberto as soccer mom
Sometimes, after a night of getting called for some iffy fouls, Fab just needs to let loose and be, well, fab.
Nothing says “flirty” like flowers.
I always cry at weddings, when the bride looks like this.
Linas Kleiza had his first NBA double double today (23 points/10 rebounds — and 7-for-7 free throws) in the Nuggets’ win over the Minnesota Timberwolves. Awesomely, there was a crowd of Lithuanian Kleiza fans at the Pepsi Center, boisterously cheering for Kleiza. I swear he thrives on attention — he tends to kick ass during nationally televised games, and tonight he was just on fire. I love that guy and I need to hang out with these loud-ass Lithuanian basketball fans.
I’m so relieved that the Nuggets turned it around after receiving a smackdown from the lowly Memphis Grizzlies on Saturday (no really, my mom and my dog could’ve played better defense and there’s no way they would have allowed the worst team in the NBA to score 133 points on them). That Memphis game brought back painful memories of last year.
Last year, I had the misfortune of attending the final home game, which was boring as hell and the Nuggets were ahead the whole time, until they lost in the final seconds. They lost the last five regular season games of the year before being squashed by the Clippers and their super-secret ugliness powers during the playoffs. They totally let themselves go after winning the division, and I knew they weren’t a good enough team to turn it back on for the playoffs.
So this year, I’ve been watching these final games with a bit of fear that the same thing will happen again. So far, it hasn’t. There’s no denying that this year’s Spurs are better than last year’s Clippers, but the Nuggets are hot and I’m not worried. I can’t say I think they’ll win (I mean, I can say that if I’m shit talking, but I’m not sure how much I believe it yet), but I can say they’ll play well.
I know it’s too early to worry about next year, but seeing as how Al Wilson just got cut from the Broncos, which bums me out, I’ll spend just a few seconds thinking about it. Word on the street is that next year’s Nuggets team will not include Nene and Camby, and that Camby seems the more likely candidate for trading. I’m going to say it now — getting rid of Camby would rank in the top five of “biggest mistakes the Nuggets could make.” I hope it doesn’t happen.
Now, though, isn’t the time to worry. Now is the time to get ready for the playoffs, which, for me, means coming up with my 2007 San Antonio Spurs heckling strategy. Ginobili, I’ll be ready for you.
The Nuggets are hot. They’re on a six-game win streak, their longest of the season.
They still have their weaknesses. They tend to fall apart to some degree in the second half. They settle for jump shots too often. They get slow. Finally, though, their strengths are starting to outweigh their weaknesses. Melo and AI are making shots. Now that he’s healthy and in shape (and hot!) nobody can stop Nene. Camby is kicking ass with rebounds and blocks. Kleiza is, well, Lithuanian and deadly with the three-pointers and, along with J.R. Smith, awesome off the bench. Najera is bringing the energy. Blake was spotty for a while but seems to have it together again. He hasn’t gotten much playing time lately, but Reggie Evans was awesomely mentioned in a recent Sports Illustrated players’ poll. The poll asked NBA players to name the player with the best ball handling skills, and Evans was the only non-guard mentioned. Go here (it’s the last video posted) to see why. DerMarr Johnson’s hair is fabulous in a different way each time I see him.
They’re currently sitting at 6th in the West. If things stay as they are now, this means they’ll match up with San Antonio in the first round. Although this would present me with unparalleled heckling opportunities, I don’t like it one bit. The Nuggets are hot, but I don’t like their chances against the Spurs. I hate the Spurs and their stupid, slow play and the floppopotamus. The best thing I can say about Manu Ginobili is that he looks like Balki Bartokamous from Perfect Strangers.
Sure, he’ll be fun to heckle, and it will be awesome if the Nuggets win the series, but oh, the stress I’ll have worrying about his dumb ass and Tim Duncan taking my guys out of the playoffs. I can just picture him flopping every ten seconds and Kleiza getting called for the nonexistent foul.
The final Nuggets games are at Utah, at NO/OKC, at Memphis, Minnesota, and at San Antonio.
The one bad thing right now is that George Karl says there is a “small” chance he won’t be back next year. I love George Karl and want him to stick around, so this bums me out. If he does leave, I hope the coaching job goes to Adrian Dantley. But let’s not worry about that now — now is the time to enjoy the hell out of the Nuggets and hope they don’t implode in the playoffs.
