Archive for the 'NCAA football' Category

Coach Meltdowns: Do you have a child?!

September 24, 2007

This is Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State football coach. He’s mad because a reporter criticized one of his players in this article. I don’t think anything in the article is bad — if the guy really was being fed chicken by his mom, he pretty much deserved to be made fun of for it. Anyway, if a quarterback can’t take a harsh word or two from the media, he might as well bow out of football now and start thinking about a career that involves a cubicle and little contact with the outside world.

There’s nothing I love more than a good coach meltdown, but this dude is pretty lame. Talking about someone crying to his mom after being called fat is funny, but he needs to get off the “if you had a child you’d understand.” Maybe it’s good that I don’t have a child, because I don’t understand and I’m perfectly happy to talk shit about anybody.

Posted in Coach meltdowns, Great moments in sports, Hit by a Pitch, NCAA football, Sports | 5 Comments »

ABC: Always Busy Sucking

September 20, 2007

This isn’t wise, but all week, I have been looking forward to watching the Iowa-Wisconsin game on Saturday evening. I checked the listings the other day to verify that’s what would be on my local ABC channel and this is dorky and stupid, but I have been looking forward to it. This would be my first ever opportunity to watch Iowa in HD from the comfort of my own home, with some good beer.

A few minutes ago, I figured I should check again — one time last year, there was supposed to be an Iowa game on some channel, and then they changed it and put on something stupid. Guess what? The ABC listing changed. THEY ARE SHOWING THE USC-WASHINGTON STATE GAME. Why? WHY? Do you know how many people in Denver are from the midwest? Most of them. There are no people from Washington, and everybody from California is out crashing into stuff on the highways so they’re totally not watching TV. WHY IN THE HELL ARE THEY SHOWING THIS GAME? WHY?!

I hate you, ABC. If I saw you on the street, I’d punch you in the face.

Oh and also, today I got my Sports Illustrated, and the cover asks, “Pac 10 or SEC: Which is Stronger?” Oh my god, I do not care. Can these conferences I don’t care about stop with the penis measuring already and agree to disagree? I’d rather spend a day with that Ohio State mascot that has been described as a piece of corn covered with poo than hear one more thing about the Pac 10 or the SEC. I miss you, Big 10. You’re the only one for me.

Posted in Assholery, Bitching, Hit by a Pitch, Iowa Hawkeyes, NCAA football, Sports | 5 Comments »

College football is getting a little ridiculous.

September 18, 2007

I was afraid this day would come — the day I seriously start to lose interest in college football. Sure, I’m down right now because my Hawkeyes lost to Iowa State, which is inexcusable but totally what happens when your offensive line consists of toddlers who couldn’t win a game of red rover. As the seconds ran out on that game, I realized that it was all over for the season. Maybe if they’re lucky, they’ll get to the Flavorless Salsa with Gross Chunks of Tomato Chip and Dip Bowl sponsored by the new gross cheese thing from Taco Bell, where hopefully the refs won’t completely screw them over like they did in the 2006 Outback Bowl.

In college football, if you want to play for the “national championship” or in a bowl game that actually means something, you can’t lose more than what, one game all season? That sucks.

Because the Hawks aren’t ranked and I don’t still live in an apartment a few blocks off campus, I can’t even see them on TV most of the time. I get games like USC at Nebraska, which is great, because I totally want to watch some guys I don’t care about score 900 points against a team from a state with a panhandle.

So many college games feature one team being completely dismantled by another team. I don’t find it remotely entertaining to watch anybody win games by a million points all the time — it’s like when I watch ESPN and see the women’s college basketball scores at the bottom of the screen, and it’s always 57-18 or some shit. That’s not interesting and nobody wants to see it. Last week’s Michigan-Notre Dame game, which was nationally televised (why?) ended with a 38-0 score. Unless you’re sitting in The Big House after drinking for hours, there is no reason to watch this crap.

My main problems with college football are:

  • there are too many teams
  • there is too much emphasis on tradition
  • rankings are subjective and pointless.

I won’t suggest getting rid of teams, but I think I’m in favor of giving up the quest for an NCAA football national championship. There’s no way to put together something that even comes close to the awesomeness of NCAA hoops, which features, hands down, the best tournament in sports. Why not just have conference tournaments and leave it at that? I’d rather watch Big 10 teams battle it out than pretend to give a shit about the SEC or the Pac 10. Nobody is satisfied with the way the “national championship” is awarded now (except fans of the team that wins), so we’re not really losing anything.

Next, let’s get over the tradition. I don’t care that Notre Dame used to be good — they were good at one time, so we’re supposed to give a shit and want to watch their loser asses get pounded on national TV. I’m supposed to care about teams from the south where people yell a bunch of shit that doesn’t make sense, like “Roll Tide” and “War Eagle” — WTF is that? Aside from the fact that I think Florida’s frumpy alligator is cute as hell, I don’t care to figure out how Florida differs from Florida State. Florida is hot and humid and full of old people and had that one basketball guy who I think is with the Bulls now, and I just don’t care.

Don’t even get me started on the rankings. When I want to pretend it’s interesting to give a shit about what some bitches think about who should be number one and who should be sent home broken hearted, I have a few beers and watch America’s Next Top Model. I think Tyra should have bangs, and I think NCAA football needs to get over itself and cater to fans who like their team, but don’t have 100 extra hours a week to spend following teams from all over the country.

In my dream world, you’d be able to order a la carte cable coverage of your team and its conference. Even though I live in Colorado, I could order up Iowa coverage, including all games and local news about the team. That would be sweet, even if they lose to Wisconsin this week. As luck would have it, my local ABC affiliate is showing that game instead of that west coast matchup I don’t care about, where one team will score 82 and the other will score 13.

Go Hawks. It’s up to you to restore my faith in college football.

Posted in Bitching, Hit by a Pitch, Iowa Hawkeyes, NCAA football, Sports | 2 Comments »

It’s the Big 12!

August 31, 2007

I didn’t go to college in Colorado. I went to Iowa. Everything that has to do with college is better in Iowa than it is in Colorado (or, well, everywhere else). I care about the Big 10, not the Big 12. The Big 12 has teams from states with panhandles, like Nebraska and Oklahoma, and I just can’t care about panhandle teams. Baylor? Texas A&M? Doesn’t the “A” stand for agricultural? How can I give a crap about that? Iowa State? Sucks. Don’t get me wrong — the Big 10 isn’t perfect. Indiana sucks and we hate Ohio State as much as you do, but for the most part, the Big 10 is the shit.

It’s been hard to adjust to living in a state where people care about Big 12 football. I used to just zone out when they talked about college football on the local sports station. This year, though, I have to admit I’ve gotten fished into some of the hype surrounding the Colorado - Colorado State game. They’ve been talking about it for weeks. They’ve talked to coaches, experts, former players — shit, they even had that dude from The Bachelorette (who used to play for CU) on this morning. They’ve had shit on the local news. Did you know that the actual buffalo who runs around at CU games has gained like a million pounds since she made her debut a few years ago, and hangs out in a little trailer thing (they should be John Madden-like and have a Buffalo Trailer)? Did you know that people were eating buffalo burgers in Fort Collins this week? Clearly, there is not much real news in Colorado, but holy crap this shit is kind of contagious, especially when you’re hundreds of miles away from your school and starved for college football.

Awesomely, the game is at 10 a.m. tomorrow. For the past two weeks, I’ve been obsessed with morning tailgating. I want to go all out and tailgate like they tailgate in the south, as long as that doesn’t involve me wearing a floral dress and pearls. I didn’t really want to spend money on tickets, but I’m totally down with parking outside Invesco Field and eating some type of quiche-like thing while drinking mimosas and scoping out what the CU kids are wearing these days (they kind of fascinate me).

Fortunately, we managed to score some free tickets, so tomorrow morning we’ll be up and heading out to football festivities at 8 a.m., which, by the way, is earlier than I go to work (or do anything, ever). There will probably be breakfast burritos and beer instead of quiche and mimosas, but that’s cool with me. I have more important things to worry about now that I know I’m going to the game — like picking a team.

It’s always more fun to go to a game if you have a team, so I have to pick one. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and going back and forth — Buffs? Rams. Rams? Buffs. To help with this very important decision, I’ve developed a complex mathematical and sociological formula that takes into account memories of our first trip to Colorado (during the great blizzard of 2003), as well as alumni we know from either school, the little I know about the teams, good or bad things about the campus and town of each school, the existence of a chapter of my sorority on campus, and anything else that might make a difference. The results of this analysis were inconclusive — I couldn’t make a decision. So what do I do?

Like always, I turn to something ridiculous that makes no sense. I decide to cheer for CU because Dan Hawkins is freaking awesome. I’ve kind of liked him ever since his meltdown earlier this year, which I’ve listened to approximately 700 times. Since learning more about him, I like him even more. Now I understand that it wasn’t really a meltdown — he was trying to make a point, and he laughs and jokes about it now. Dan Hawkins is bad ass. If you don’t believe, me, listen for yourself. This is why I’ll get up tomorrow morning and go cheer for the Buffs, brother. It’s Division 1 football!

Posted in CSU Rams, CU Buffs, Coach meltdowns, Colorado sports I don't care about, Dan Hawkins, Hit by a Pitch, NCAA football, Sports | 6 Comments »