Hit By a Pitch

I heard on the radio the other day that the U.S. suffers billions of dollars in lost profits during the first two days of March Madness. They should make these days a national holiday — nobody is being productive at work, anyway. All I’ve done since returning from lunch is *refresh* *refresh* *refresh* the box score of the Old Dominion/Butler game. That sick feeling I have, that lump in my throat that comes from knowing this isn’t going to turn out how I want, reminds me of the terrible, terrible thing that happened last year when Northwestern State knocked off Iowa in the first round with a LAST HALF-SECOND three pointer. I think I feel how normal girls feel when that guy who seemed so into them for the first three dates suddenly stops calling — I kind of want to curl up and cry for a while, drowning my sorrows in wine and chocolate, and I kind of want to go out and cheer for a better, more appealing team that will call and bring me flowers and, you know, actually WIN GAMES.

Currently I am all over the internets trying to find out where Jermaine Wallace, the three-point shooter of doom, is now. Of course the only things you find while searching “Jermaine Wallace” “Northwestern State” are 10,300 articles about the swish seen ’round the nation. I think I’m going to be sick.

There is a Jermaine Wallace looking for a prison pen pal. I wanted to be funny and say that I hope it’s the same guy even though I know it isn’t, but that’s really sad and I would totally become pen pals with a guy with the same name as the guy who killed my March Madness dreams last year, but I’m pretty sure these sites exist to link inmates with doughy women of low self esteem who will fall in love with them.

A possibly related U.S. Court of Appeals opinion is here (it’s a PDF).

There also is a Christian jazz artist named Jermaine Wallace.

There is a Facebook group called Oh I hate Jermaine Wallace! It has one member, who is not me, which is kind of awesome.

Anyway, enough of that tangent, although I would like to know where Jermaine Wallace is now. This year, I had high hopes for Old Dominion, even before I knew they had a player named Valdas Vasylius. Unfortunately, their trip to the Sweet 16 and eventual loss to Florida is not to be. My other incorrect pick so far was Texas Tech (I was trying to stop picking against teams I hate, so this was charity on my part and I will never make that mistake again). Oh well. Now I’ll just have to cheer for the Salukis.