Hit by a Pitch

We went to the Denver Nuggets game last night and it was pretty dead at the Pepsi Center. I suppose the Milwaukee Bucks aren’t a big draw, but apparently the economy is hitting NBA fans. We were the only people sitting in our whole row, which, don’t get me wrong, was really nice because Soren got his own seat and our stuff got its own seat. It’s awesome that Soren is big enough to sit in his own seat at sporting events and we don’t have to worry about the seat snapping closed and eating him like a venus flytrap, like we did in the early days.

It feels like we hadn’t been to a Nuggets games since Hector was a pup (Chris Marlowe, Nuggets play-by-play guy, says “since Hector was a pup” all the time). Let’s face it — that shit is expensive. Well, it’s either expensive or your seats totally suck and you’d be better off staying home. Without free tickets, we would’ve blown almost $200 last night, and I had only one beer. Tangent: I don’t know why, but it’s hard to find good beer on the club level of the Pepsi Center. Fat Tire was the best option at most of the bars we checked and I’m not a fan. No offense to New Belgium (they’re cool and I like some of their stuff), but Fat Tire is the microbrew you like if you don’t know anything about microbrews. Eventually we found Dale’s Pale Ale by section 248, so keep that in mind next time you’re wandering around the club level at the Pepsi Center drinking water with lemon because you don’t want to bother with Fat Tire or Stella. (I freely admit I’m a ridiculous beer snob, but what are you gonna do? I’d rather not drink beer than drink beer I don’t love.)

Anyway, my suggestion for the Nuggets is as follows: Look. My sources tell me you’ve had terrible attendance for most of the season, and last night indicates that this is correct. It’s kind of embarrassing to have so many empty seats. So here’s what I’ll offer you. Feel free to give me free tickets any time you’d like, and I’d be happy to attend the game with Ben and Soren. We’ll fill up a few seats and scream our asses off like the crazed fans we are and also spend a few bucks on good beer when we find it. This is a win/win situation, right? I’m happy to help!

I’d also be happy to take crappy pictures and post them on the internet. I’m sure there’s a need for this somewhere that is not being met. Check out my stunning photo montage that includes the events leading up to the Carmelo Anthony ejection last night!

• Although the season is over for the Denver Nuggets (much to the delight of David Stern and the NBA referees, but whatever), there’s some good news for the team. Super-mascot Rocky made the Forbes “Top 10 Sports Mascots” list. (Unfortunately, some of the other winners also made my “Terrifying Mascots” list.) Even if you’re not all that into sports mascots (and I couldn’t blame you for that), Rocky is the shit. The last time we were at a game, he climbed from the court all the way up to the top of the third level (and he climbs up, like, walls and stuff, not just stairs), shot out some confetti, and then ran back down to the court, all in record time (I don’t remember how much time, but it was really fast). He does crazy shit with ladders and stunts that would be impressive if done while not dressed as a mascot.
• This just in from the U.S. Department of Badassery: Shit, dudes, Colorado Rockies catcher Miguel Olivo. I already like the guy because I picked him up for my fantasy team after A.J. Pierzynski went like 2 for his last 873. He’s been hitting well and isn’t so bad at throwing out runners. Don’t get me wrong — that’s just garden-variety badass for a catcher. But here’s the thing — during the 8th inning of Monday’s game, dude slipped into the team’s bathroom near the dugout and — holy shit — passed a kidney stone. Then he went back into the game. (I’ve heard that passing a kidney stone feels kind of like giving birth. I have no idea if this is true, but if it’s even half as painful, holy shit.) I wish my team got bonus points for that. Dude.
• From the LOLWTF files. I present Melo’s People of Utah:

This isn’t the best quality video, but here’s Chris Andersen hitting a shot from half court as time expired in the third quarter last night. I love this guy!

Basketball hasn’t exactly been the first thing on my mind these days. I watched Lithuania get dismantled by Argentina (WTF hair?) in the Olympic bronze medal game and then drank myself unconscious to forget the misery I just witnessed. That was awful, even considering how much I love yelling all the Lithuanian names until B gets annoyed and falls asleep on the couch. Other than that, though, I haven’t thought much about basketball lately.

But! I had the best idea ever — an idea that can solve at least 2/3 of the problems that will plague the Nuggets in the upcoming season. Curious? Come with me, to a land where a Nuggets championship is possible!

Read the rest of this entry »

Good news! J.R. Smith (who used to be a player we didn’t like all that much, but that changed last year when he got his shit together) just got a new three-year deal with the Nuggets.

Trust me when I say that he’s going to be even more awesome this coming season. He’s been working out all summer and if you combine his pure athleticism with his improved attitude and new-found maturity, he’s going to be in-freaking-sane.

Keeping J.R. was crucial, considering what the Nuggets have lost in the off season (especially Marcus Camby). Currently, the team is worse off than it was at the end of last season, but hopefully things will go better than I expect.

In other news, the Broncos are in action tonight, with the starters expected to play approximately three quarters. I’m still calling for them to go 8-8 this year. The Rockies are out of it and the White Sox are up against the Rays (which is okay because the Twins are at the Angels this weekend).

There’s also some breaking news about a new Olympics scandal, this time with boxing scoring. Some Romanian dude commented on the fact that the scoring has been grossly inaccurate and unfair (true). The boxing and Olympics people promptly responded by suspending him and instituting some kind of disciplinary procedure against him. I’ll try to find out more about this and update tomorrow.