Hit by a Pitch

Archive for the ‘Phenomenal swag’ Category

Vintage: Lithuanians + Craig Sager = AWESOME

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This was originally published on August 11, 2008.
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Dan Steinberg is my new favorite person on the internet. Yesterday, he discussed the fact that Lithuania’s Fans Are Balling. I love this so much, because he recognizes something that has made me very proud for many years — My People are freaking awesome. We love our basketball. And we have the tie dye (well, “we” in the sense of, as a people, some Lithuanians represent by wearing tie dye although I personally do not because, well, ew) to prove it. Also, many of us have green eyes, which is rare (I learned this the other day). Random, but cool! Like Lithuanians! We’re also known for being stubborn, which is a blessing and a curse, let me tell you.

Dan Steinberg also bestowed upon the world the most awesome interview with Craig Sager to ever exist. What do I make of Craig Sager and his fixation on blonde Lithuanian women? If you’ve read about me on Deadspin, you might be surprised.

Craig Sager

Prince Williams/Getty Images

Craig Sager is one of those guys who I notice every time he’s on TV, but I don’t really know anything about him. Whenever he’s reporting from the sidelines of an NBA game, I yell at B, “Dude! Check out what he’s wearing! When you’re old you need to dress like this!” His wardrobe is the shit and in life, he’s attained a certain level of awesomeness.

My thoughts on the Craig Sager interview are twofold. First, I think that, once you’ve achieved a certain level of awesomeness in life, you’re allowed to say some crazy shit and that adds to, rather than detracts, from your awesomeness. Second, I think that there’s nothin’ wrong with appreciating anybody’s hotness. I’m not going to blame anybody for finding, say, blonde Lithuanian women hot. They are! There’s nothing wrong with recognizing that.

I also love the wardrobe discussion. Quoth Sager:

Yeah. I brought all sorts of different underwear that match my shirt. That’s the only thing I can do.

Hee.

Anyway, my favorite part of the interview isn’t anything Craig Sager said. It was something Dan Steinberg said. Here’s a snippet (Steinberg is in bold):

The dunking mascots missed all of their dunks off the trampoline.

Did they?

You’re not supposed to miss your dunks off the trampoline.

Well, see, I can give you perspective on that too, because I was [Willie] the Wildcat at Northwestern.

Of course you were.

No really, I just died from laughing so hard. Craig Sager, international pimp and appreciator of Lithuanian sexy women (is saying “Lithuanian sexy” redundant?) is talking about all kinds of shit and, just to show how he thoroughly out-awesomes you in every possible way, he tells you that, in addition to being married to a Luvabull and being too busy to pay attention to dunking mascots while he provides his earth-shattering commentary on athletic festivities, which is how he makes a living and is much cooler than whatever you do, he throws in that he was the mascot at Northwestern. To this, what other response could there be but, “Of course you were.”

I’m going to find a way to work “Of course you were” into my everyday conversation when possible.

I was the attorney who worked tirelessly to exonerate the innocent defendant with the help of newly discovered DNA evidence.

Of course you were.

I was really drunk and actin’ a fool at the Rockies game before they put me in the little self-contained jail within the bowels of Coors Field.

Of course you were.

Maybe I’ll even wear tie dye while saying it.

Written by Tracy

August 10th, 2011 at 8:59 pm

The Swimsuit Issue

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Song: In the Sand by Panyard
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Last year, on a lovely February day, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue arrived in my mailbox and said:

‘Sup, fatty?

Less than four months after giving birth wasn’t the exact time I’d pick to view page after page of sexy women in teeny little swimsuits. I mean, I’d realized a long time ago that there was no reason to fear or hate sexy women. In short, their existence doesn’t lessen whatever attractiveness I may possess, and any guy who wants one of them doesn’t want me and, therefore, they’re not going to encroach on my market or anything. However, looking at them while feeling a little new-mom flabby wasn’t my favorite thing in the world.

This year, I was ready for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. I’m finally, for the first time in years, at my “yay rah happy weight” (this must be said in Wesley Willis voice). Listen. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not skinny and I’ll never in a bazillion years look as good as the women in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, even without them being photoshopped to within an inch or two or several of their lives. But at least this year I don’t feel like it’s saying:

‘Sup, fatty?

So that’s an improvement and I’ll take it.

In other news, I’ve been in the market for a new swimsuit. Being at butt head say rah happy weight means new things are possible this summer. Maybe we can have pool parties in our yard (we upgraded our above-ground pool last year) — we can invite people over, play beachy-house music (stuff like the song linked above*), eat stoner bruschetta, and drink beer (I’d say some other kind of drink that you’d actually serve at a pool party, but I don’t know what that is and let’s be honest, we’re just going to drink beer anyway). Maybe we can go to the wave pool or a public pool, which now that I think about it probably isn’t a good idea because I’ll just sit there and think about how all the kids peed in the pool because you never admit it but everybody in the world did that (I did it a lot after that time when I was a kid and I did not properly dry off to go to the bathroom after swimming at my grandparents’ condo in Lauderdale-By-the-Sea and actually fell into the toilet and got stuck and my mom had to pull me out — after that, I was all pee in the pool all the time).

Attaining my rock over London rock on Chicago weight means it’s time to stop squeezing into the old Victoria’s Secret tankini I’ve been wearing for years. It maybe fit me like two cup sizes ago, before I had a kid, and that shit’s just not right. I’m, like, entitled to a new swimsuit or something.

So I was on a mission. Victoria’s Secret was out because, although they awesomely make bra-sized swimwear, they do not make bra-sized swimwear in my ridiculous new bra size. I mistakenly spent some time at work one day looking for other options and stumbled upon something that looked remotely like soft-core porn. Sorry, work! I do not wish to look remotely like soft-core porn and I’m sure the world does not wish that I would look remotely like soft-core porn, so that was out.

I finally found something that comes in my ridiculous size, looks decent, and has a boyshort option. (It’s by Freya.)

Not bad, right? Because of the gold trim, I can rock my old nameplate necklace, because for whatever reason, those things are all over the Swimsuit Issue this year** and I kind of like an excuse to wear that thing without feeling like I’m trying to represent Sex in the City, which I’m totally not, because I liked Sex and the City back in the day but a few months ago I tried to watch the movie and couldn’t even get through the first hour because it was so dumb, which is kind of like Inception, which put me to sleep because it was so smug and proud of itself I just couldn’t take any more and gave in to the sweet relief of unconsciousness less than an hour in, which is good because I missed the part where they were so self-satisfied they decided gravity didn’t apply to them or something. I’m not really a movie person, as you might have guessed. I am, however, finally, a swimsuit person. I guess.
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Notes
* Here is a complete collection of beachy-house tunes.
** The nameplate necklaces as seen in the SI Swimsuit Issue are from Caja Jewelry.

Written by Tracy

February 17th, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Olympic Style

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Until now, I’ve managed to refrain from discussing anything related to Olympic fashion. This is more of an achievement than you might think, because I’m kind of into that sort of thing. I’m also extremely bothered by the gymnasts and their scrunchies and 900 barrettes, but that’s already been covered all over the world. So I’ll try to focus on more obscure style statements, and how they might translate to the rest of us.

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Tracy

August 20th, 2008 at 8:59 pm

Tortoise Wheelchair

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REUTERS/Ronen Zvulun (JERUSALEM)

REUTERS/Ronen Zvulun (JERUSALEM)

Dudes. B was looking at random shit on Yahoo last night and found this picture of a tortoise with a custom-made wheelchair. Her name is Arava and her back legs are paralyzed, but she gets around just fine on her little wheels.

Seriously, how cute is that?!

I’ll be back later today with a post on Olympic fashiony stuff (exciting, I know).

Written by Tracy

August 20th, 2008 at 11:54 am

Lithuanians + Craig Sager = AWESOME

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Dan Steinberg is my new favorite person on the internet. Yesterday, he discussed the fact that Lithuania’s Fans Are Balling. I love this so much, because he recognizes something that has made me very proud for many years — My People are freaking awesome. We love our basketball. And we have the tie dye (well, “we” in the sense of, as a people, some Lithuanians represent by wearing tie dye although I personally do not because, well, ew) to prove it. Also, many of us have green eyes, which is rare (I learned this the other day). Random, but cool! Like Lithuanians! We’re also known for being stubborn, which is a blessing and a curse, let me tell you.

Dan Steinberg also bestowed upon the world the most awesome interview with Craig Sager to ever exist. What do I make of Craig Sager and his fixation on blonde Lithuanian women? If you’ve read about me on Deadspin, you might be surprised.

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Tracy

August 11th, 2008 at 7:32 pm

Hi Gilbert!

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Hello, world.

It’s 4:33 in the morning, and I think I just ordered some Gilbert Arenas autographed stuff. His site was wonky for a while — it wouldn’t let me log in and then the auction didn’t show up in Firefox — so I hope it worked. As of this second, there are 532 of the $25 packages left, so get on that — gilsarena.com.

Written by Tracy

April 21st, 2007 at 3:36 am

Gilbert Arenas wants to give you stuff.

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If you’re here looking for information on the Gilbert Arenas shoe and jersey giveaway, check out his blog entry from 4/12/07 where he explains how it will work. Looks like we’re all getting up really early on April 21 (or staying up late the night before).

Written by Tracy

April 13th, 2007 at 1:38 pm