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My boyfriend Jon Garland is coming to Denver! !!!!!

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Jon Garland

This is an old picture.

In 2005, I fell in love with baseball, the Chicago White Sox, and in particular Jon Garland. My love for baseball, the Chicago White Sox, and in particular Jon Garland has continued over the years, even though Jon Garland and I have kind of lost touch as he moved from one team I don’t really care about to another and then spent the last season and a half recovering from shoulder surgery and not playing.

Today he was signed by the Colorado Rockies. He’ll be a starting pitcher. Holy shit you guys! This is the most exciting baseball thing to happen to me . . . well, since Philip Humber’s perfect game.

This is pretty much the only thing that could’ve made me care about the Colorado Rockies this year. Jon Garland!!

Written by Tracy

March 25th, 2013 at 8:06 pm

Rockies At-Bat Music 2012

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Hey sports fans! It’s time once again for my annual post about the walk-up music of Colorado Rockies players. As always, I’ll update the list as I find out more and I’ll make a Grooveshark playlist ASAP. Enjoy, and comments are on for this post.


Matt Belisle:
Rafael Betancourt: Give Me Everything by Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo
Rex Brothers:
Jhoulys Chacin:
Tyler Chatwood:
Jeremy Guthrie: Tonight is the Night by Outasight (pitching), What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction (hitting)
Jamie Moyer:
Juan Nicasio:
Matt Reynolds:
Josh Roenicke: Imma Star by Jeremih
Esmil Rogers: Winner by Jamie Foxx feat. Justin Timberlake


Ramon Hernandez: Ven Morena by Oscar D’Leon, Ai Se Eu Te Pego by Michel Telo
Wilin Rosario: El Cafe by Tito Swing, International Love by Pitbull feat. Chris Brown


Jason Giambi: Wolfpack Theme by N.W.O.
Todd Helton: Springsteen by Eric Church
Jonathan Herrera: Riscate by Alexis & Fido
Chris Nelson: What’s My Name by DMX
Jordan Pacheco: Square Dance by Eminem
Marco Scutaro: Danza Kuduro (Club Mix) by Denoizer feat. Don Omar
Troy Tulowitzki: Levels by Avicii, Gotta Have It by Jay-Z and Kanye West (apparently Gotta Have It was for Opening Day only)


Tyler Colvin: Hold on to Black Metal by My Morning Jacket
Michael Cuddyer: Kyoto by Skrillex, I Can’t Stop by Flux Pavilion, Mind Your Manners by Chiddy Bang
Dexter Fowler: Grind 24 by Torch, Arab Money by Rick Ross
Carlos Gonzalez: Donde Estes Llegare by Alexis & Fido
Eric Young Jr.: Headlines by Drake

Written by Tracy

April 12th, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Family Traditions: Opening Day

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When you’re not religious and you live 1,000 miles away from your family and don’t travel because you’re poor and have 900 animals and are a John-Madden-level claustrophobic who’s afraid of flying, you don’t really have much opportunity for traditions and rituals. Well, we don’t, anyway. For example, we don’t have family gatherings for holidays like when I was a kid, where my parents and I hung out with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Now, we tend to do whatever presents itself with friends, or nothing. Either way, it’s cool, because we’re not big holiday people.

The thing is, I’m not sure I want Soren to grow up with absolutely no holiday or holiday-like traditions. I mean, they can be really nice! When I was a kid, my spoiled only-child little heart spent weeks looking forward to Christmas at my grandparents’ house and the mountain of presents with my name on them. And my nana’s homemade noodles. Holy crap you guys the homemade noodles, drizzled with lightly browned butter — they were the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten and I haven’t had them since well before nana died in the 80s.

We don’t have big Christmases and homemade noodles and a nana who writes your name on plastic Easter eggs with goodies inside and hides them around their sprawling ranch house in Park Ridge, IL, but maybe we should have something. Maybe the answer is to create traditions where they’re meaningful for us. And if by “meaningful for us” I mean meaningful for me (and this is my blog so of course that’s what I mean), the answer is sports.baby's first Rockies game

I figure MLB Opening Day (capitalized because it’s a holiday!) is the best place to start. When you’re a sports fan, MLB Opening Day is exciting. It’s the start of so many things! It’s the start of summer, of biking to the game, of drinking beer while waiting for the sun to dip behind the Coors Field scoreboard, of missing Chicago, of laughing out loud at Ed Farmer (he’s funny!) and hearing commercials for Chicago pizza places, of waiting for Hawk Harrelson to yell “You can put it on the board . . . YES!!!” and Instagrammed pictures of baseball players nobody cares about except me and reading The Dugout (which seems to no longer exist) and watching the guys in the bullpen because the bullpen is one of my favorite things ever.

And seriously, if I can get kind of ridiculous and sappy for a minute, it’s the start of hope. Nobody makes me hope as much as the White Sox. This could be the year. Well, I mean, this probably won’t be the year what with the “R” word being thrown around and a manager who has more experience charging the mound than, well, managing, but still. With baseball, I always feel like it’s at least possible.

The question is which MLB Opening Day to celebrate. Opening Day in general? The first White Sox game? The first Rockies game? The first home game at Coors Field?

To tell you the truth I’m not a big fan of going to the first home game at Coors Field. It’s always way too crowded and they charge too much for tickets (for a while, if you wanted to buy tickets for Opening Day, you had to buy tickets for another game in that series, too — I don’t know if they still do this) and they run out of good beer (you almost don’t mind this because the lines for the good beer and the bathrooms are ridiculous). With a toddler, it’s even kind of hard to hang out anywhere around Coors Field that day — last year, I remember trying to go to Falling Rock Tap House and it was so ridiculously crowded even after the game started we gave up on the idea.

So at least for now, I’m thinking our MLB Opening Day will be a low-key event that involves watching the Sox, eating pizza, and hanging out. This year, it’ll have to happen for game 2 because we didn’t take Friday off work. But in the future, I think we should all take the day off of work or school for our Opening Day celebration. I mean, it’s fair to take holidays off, and this is our holiday. At least until Ben (the Cubs fan who, in typical Cubs fan fashion, can’t name 3 players on the active roster — love you, Cubs fans!) objects to the way I’m trying to make our kid a Sox fan.

Written by Tracy

April 4th, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I’ll miss Ubaldo.

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Sox vs. Rockies

I’m very sad about the Rockies trading Ubaldo Jimenez. My bad feelings are fourfold:

1. I love Ubaldo. As a Rockies fan, I feel like I’ve watched him grow up, as cheesy as that is. He grew up and then went, well, to Cleveland. And that’s no good for anybody. (Just kidding, people of Cleveland. I’m only lashing out at you because of my pain. Love ya!)

2. He went to one of two teams in the American League Central that is marginally interested in winning the division and is not the White Sox. This means Ubaldo, my pal, has become the enemy. This is confusing and, well, sad.

3. The Rockies organization has been atrocious at evaluating young talent and it’s impossible to say at this point whether the prospects they received in exchange for Ubaldo will pan out. We have to wait and see, and what the hell fun is that?

4. Imagine you’re in a relationship with someone who is smokin’ hot. We’ll call her Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue model Irina Shayk. One night after dinner, you’re sitting around drinking a beer and watching Teen Mom, and she says to you:

Hey, you know what? For the rest of the year, I’m going to stop working out. Instead, I’ll spend hours a day eating mounds of cheese dipped in the container of deep-fryer grease we store under the sink. I’m not going to shower for, like, a month at a time, and I’ll wipe the grease from my fingers in my hair instead of using napkins. Oral hygiene will be optional. My wardrobe will consist entirely of floral house dresses and filthy slippers. I’ll fart all the time and when I’m not farting, I’ll speak in painstaking detail about my menstrual cycle. Also, I’ll pick my nose and wipe the boogers on the living room wall. I’ll start chewing tobacco, which I will spit in the bowling trophy you won in high school.

By trading Ubaldo, that’s pretty much what the Rockies are doing for the rest of this season. They’re letting themselves go. As fans, we’re in a relationship with the Rockies so I guess we’re still supposed to care about them and stuff, but I cannot tell a lie. It’s hard for me to love you when you don’t love yourself. I understand what they see in mounds of cheese, but the rest of this season is going to be pretty stupid.

Written by Tracy

August 1st, 2011 at 7:47 pm

White Sox/Rockies Photos

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Written by Tracy

June 29th, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Rerun: I can fix you, Manny Corpas.

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In honor of Manny Corpas being signed to a minor league deal by the Texas Rangers today, here is a rerun post from 2008, when Manny was still with the Rockies.
Since I quit taking Adderall, I haven’t been much good at sitting down to write a post. On the plus side, I’m a much nicer person in real life. So there’s that. This is a lame attempt to get back into it.

Manny Corpas

Getty Images

One of the best things about being a sports fan is the sheer delusion. As a (kind of crazy, I’ll admit it) sports fan, one of my favorite things to believe even though I know it isn’t true is that I can somehow affect the game. Don’t you do that? If you wear your “lucky” jersey that you haven’t washed even though some asshole spilled beer on it that one time at Blake Street, your team will win. If you mercilessly heckle Barry Bonds until you almost get thrown out of Coors Field, which happens to you more often than it happens to most people, your team will win. If you make sure your hands aren’t touching each other when the enemy team attempts a free throw, they will miss. If you make sure your hands are elaborately linked together when your team attempts a free throw, they will make it. (That’s weird, but I honestly believed it for a while.)

You don’t want to admit any of these things to anyone, because, yeah, it makes you look a little crazy. But I’m totally okay with that.

My latest “I can affect the game” project is Manny Corpas. Here’s what I know about Manny Corpas — he’s really young. I saw him pitch his first-ever game for the Rockies. This was back in the day, when Jose Mesa was still here, and from what I understand, Jose Mesa was instrumental in shaping these young guys in the bullpen. But Jose Mesa’s not here any more. I don’t even know where he is — probably at home with Mirla and the kids in the Dominican Republic, because he sure as hell isn’t playing for anyone in MLB and that, my friends, is a travesty. But Manny came on like gangbusters, eventually taking over the closer position from a wonky and “injured” emo kid, Brian Fuentes. (Have you listened to his intro. music? Eesh.)

But Manny has had his struggles. Last year, I figured that what Manny needs is confidence. Of course, that doesn’t prove that I’m some kind of psychological mastermind or anything. You have a young kid doing something awesome and kicking ass, and it’s a matter of logic that when something goes wrong, which it is prone to do, his confidence will suffer. So last year I decided that to help build Manny’s confidence, I’d hang around the bullpen and yell at him.

If you’ve been to Coors Field, you know that it’s not hard to wander over and get a good view of the bullpens. From the first level, it’s like you’re Juliet looking down from your balcony to a handful of surly Romeos, complete with sunflower seeds and mitts waiting to get into the action. Last year, I started going over there and yelling “Manny Corpas!” from time to time. When he heard me, he’d turn and kind of do this sort of half-wave thing, with his hand by his head, something between a wave and a salute. Totally charming. Manny is awesome. If you’ve ever watched him in the bullpen, you see how it works. For a while, he sits there and tries to look nonchalant. But eventually, you catch him looking up and scanning the crowd. I’m convinced that he does this because, like any young guy, he wants someone to notice him. So I decided that I would notice him like it was my job.

Manny has been struggling this year, so much so that it looks like the closer job is back in the grasp of southpaw Brian Fuentes. So when I was at the game this Wednesday, I realized that it was time for me to fix Manny Corpas. Because I can affect the game. And I know what Manny Corpas needs.

So I wandered over to the bullpen. Manny was sitting there, and it looked like he had sunflower seeds, an energy drink, and chewing tobacco. (I tried to deny that the tobacco was his, but it was right next to him on the bench and it probably was.) When he looked like he was listening, I yelled “Manny!!!” and waved. This time he waved back, like he wasn’t even trying to be subtle. That was cool. Ryan Speier was getting warmed up and I kind of like him and his quasi-sidearm style that looks like he’s pushing, rather than throwing, the ball, but I never yelled at Ryan Speier. That’s because I was there only for Manny Corpas.

I decided right then that he was my new all-time favorite relief pitcher. If you know anything about me, you know that I’m ridiculously, to the point of being dysfunctional, loyal to my all-time favorite relief pitchers. And the good thing about Manny Corpas is that he worked with Jose Mesa, if only briefly. So there’s that.

So at Coors Field, I’ll always go over to the bullpen, but I’ll only cheer for Manny Corpas. You can’t cheer for everyone in there, or else it isn’t special. I cheered for Manny on Wednesday, but after Speier pitched, they brought Brian Fuentes into the bullpen. As soon as he showed up, Manny threw his cup full of sunflower seeds on the ground and left. I think he was pissed. I wonder if those guys hate each other, or tolerate each other through a series of sideways glances and subtle clubhouse barbs.

Brian Fuentes almost gave me a heart attack that game, but he pulled it together and the Rockies won their first game in like 100 years. I made fun of his intro. music for a good 15 minutes. Cheer up, emo kid.

Manny’s song:

Written by Tracy

April 8th, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Rockies At-Bat Music 2011

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Note: The 2012 post is here!

Hey sports fans! It’s time once again to talk about the walk-up music of Colorado Rockies players. I’m sorry there are so many I don’t know yet. It seems like they’ve turned the music down at Coors Field — I could barely hear anything today and Shazam wasn’t working very well. I spent a lot of time standing by a speaker and I still got a lot of “no match” crap. I’ll fill in the blanks as I find out more.

Update: Thanks to the awesome Jake C for his help with the list, if by “help” I mean “doing all the work.”

I’m putting the list behind a cut because I’ve added Grooveshark widgets for all songs and I don’t want you to have to deal with those if you’re not interested.
Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Tracy

April 5th, 2011 at 10:01 pm