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Troy Tulowitzki has atrocious taste in music.

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The other day, I saw that The Denver Post was taking suggestions for Troy Tulowitzki’s new walk-up song. As you may know, the walk-up (or at-bat as I usually call it) music of Colorado Rockies players is a subject about which I care deeply. I began pondering what awesome song I could submit and then after a while completely forgot about it. On some level, I realized I shouldn’t get too invested in the process because I am well aware that, bless his little heart, Troy Tulowitzki has atrocious taste in music. (He used Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus last season. I understand he likes to pick songs that appeal to kids these days or whatever, but there’s no excuse for making fans listen to that shit.)

WTF CUBS FAN

We like baseball!

The plan was to whittle the fan submissions down to 30 songs, through a process that was not revealed. The 30 songs are listed here. From those 30 songs, Troy Tulowitzki chose the four finalists. You can listen to the four finalists and vote for your “favorite” here (vote by Tuesday).

I listened to as much of each song as I could handle, which for most of them was not much. I don’t want to sound like a hopelessly out-of-touch old fart, but those songs are terrible. In an effort to choose the least awful option, I voted for Ke$ha. That song didn’t make me cry, and on some level I at least understand Ke$ha. (Full disclosure: I do like Katy Perry’s Electric Feel cover.)

Update: The winning song and Troy Tulowitzki’s walk-up music for 2011 is Firework by Katy Perry.

Update: He changed his song to Baby by Justin Bieber.

My song wouldn’t have made it past the play-in game in the first round, but here it is.

Bonus: It’s local!

Now that I’ve had more time to think about it and fully digest Tulo’s bad-music leanings (and the fact that he takes himself too seriously), I’d offer Pretty Boy Swag as a new suggestion. The original version is painfully boring, so he’d have to use a remix, like this one (or this 90s house version) (or, best of all, this Girl Talk mashup with Aphex Twin’s Windowlicker). (You have no idea how many Pretty Boy Swag remixes I listened to today.) I mean, for real, how badass would it be to walk to home plate with this booming from the Coors Field sound system:

Get out the way pretty boy comin through
me and my crew we swaggin in the room
girls on me heavy cause I look so sexy
yellow diamond shawty in the club straight flexin
I’m lookin for a yellow bone long haired star
thick in the hips come get in my car
you party with a star we take off and go to Mars
pretty boy take off in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

That would be almost as awesome as that time we had Kazuo Matsui and the best at-bat song of all time:

Update: If you want to know about Troy Tulowitzki’s 2012 music, go here.

Written by Tracy

March 26th, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Rockies: at-bat music

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Aside from an awesome win, there were two really good things about going to Sunday’s Rockies game: our seats were sheltered from the constant rain and our seats were near a big speaker, so we could really hear the music. I’ve been obsessed with at-bat or entrance music for a while now, and apparently I’m not alone — people find this site every day because they want to know about the at-bat music of various Rockies players. My list isn’t finished yet, but I might as well share what I have so far. I will do my best to update this list and keep it current.

Garrett Atkins: What I Are by Timbaland (I thought this was a remix of Justin Timberlake’s Bringing Sexy Back for the longest time)

Jamey Carroll: Pink Houses by John Mellencamp

Manny Corpas: Impacto by Daddy Yankee

Josh Fogg: Slow Ride by Foghat

Brian Fuentes: For You by Stain’d

Brad Hawpe: Rockstar by Nickelback

Todd Helton: Back in the Saddle by Aerosmith

Kazuo Matsui: Tricky by Run DMC

Ryan Spilborghs: The Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani (everybody at Coors Field sings along with this — WOOOO OOOOH WOOOO OOOOH!)

Troy Tulowitzki: I’m a Flirt by R Kelly

I’m not sure about these:

Matt Holliday: The Great Divide by Scott Stapp, but I can’t remember if he’s still using it

Willy Taveras: used to have Yeah by Usher, but has a new song — reggaeton, Spanish, very fast; the closest thing I’ve found so far is El Mambo de las Shorty’s by Tito El Bambino (but don’t rely on that because I’ve only heard Willy’s new song a few times)

Yorvit Torrealba: He’s used various Daddy Yankee songs, but his current song is NOT Impacto as reported elsewhere on the internet. I’ve listened to snippets of a million Daddy Yankee songs, and haven’t been able to figure out if his current song is by Daddy Yankee. I’ve also started listening to snippets of other reggaeton, and if I listen to much more, Ben is going to throw my computer out the window.

Update: Torrealba’s song is Salio El Sol by Don Omar. Thanks to Karlosest2403!

I accidentally say “reggaetron” every time I mean to say “reggaeton” and now I’m convinced that Reggaetron, a gigantic robot set on world destruction by means of super-powered lasers and a blend of reggae, dancehall, merengue, hip hop, and bachata is going to appear at Coors Field one day soon.

Update: The 2008 version of the Rockies At-Bat Music post is here.

Update: The 2009 version of the Rockies At-Bat Music post is here.

Written by Tracy

October 16th, 2007 at 11:36 am

Secret lovers, that’s what we are.

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It’s time for me to tell you about my secret.

We’ve had this weird, on-again, off-again thing for a couple years now. I guess you could call it a “relationship,” although I’m hesitant to try to define it — because I’m afraid of getting hurt and because I always have one foot out the door, ready to make my escape. We spend Saturday nights together on occasion, maybe once or twice a month. Usually I have too much to drink, and sometimes I say things I regret later, even though I think I’m too good for you. You know we’re all wrong for each other, a fact that is obvious to everybody in the world who knows either of us. You’re young and inconsistent, a little cheap, and nobody takes you seriously, and I, as you know, have a thing for bad boys. Still, I’m sure it’s not easy being #2 in my heart, knowing you’ll never be #1, a spot already taken by someone more experienced, more worldly, and usually much more talented.

For the past few weeks, you’ve been charming and completely irresistible. You’ve been doing everything right lately, and I’m not sure any girl out there could resist you now. Even though I know our love (if you can call it that) is fragile and I should keep it to myself, it’s time for me to let the world in on this hidden part of my life. I’m a little giddy and I’m not thinking straight.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, but I’m kind of in love with the Rockies.

I should be honest. I’ve been watching Rockies games for what, two years now — pretty much ever since I moved to Denver. I went to approximately 20 games this summer. I cheered loudly for them when they played the Cubs. I yelled at the TV for at least half an hour when Matt Holliday was in the home run derby this season and Chris Berman said “Who is Matt Holliday? Hahaha!” at least as many times as he said “BACKBACKBACKBACKBACK!!!” Of course I’m a Rockies fan.

I always try to deny it, though. The only time I write about the Rockies is when I’m making fun of them for something. The closest thing I have to Rockies apparel is the “What would Jose Mesa do?” t-shirt (because I got it when Jose Mesa was still here and the writing and #49 are purple). If I wear a hat to a Rockies game, it’s a White Sox hat, because the White Sox are my true love.

I’m not going to kick the White Sox while they’re down, but this year, maybe I can be serious about the Rockies for a minute. They’ve been making me feel like I felt in 2005 when the White Sox were on their way to winning the World Series — like anything is possible and I can believe in something I thought was impossible and baseball is the most magical thing in the entire world. And what girl doesn’t want to feel like that?

Now I feel bad. There are so many things I should’ve been telling you about the Rockies:

  • Their new closer, Manny Corpas, is from Panama. He was a rookie last year, when Jose Mesa was still here, and I think he maybe learned at least a couple things from Big Daddy. Ever since Fuentes got “injured” right before the All Star game, I’ve had complete faith in him as a closer.
  • Troy Tulowitzki is going to win Rookie of the Year. If you’re even a little bit of a baseball fan, you have to watch this kid. He is amazing. He makes some of the most ridiculous throws I’ve ever seen. If you have the same attitude about life that he has about baseball, you’re awesome, and you’re going to be really happy.
  • Kazuo Matsui is one of my favorites. His at-bat music is Tricky by Run DMC, and that makes me love him even more than I would’ve otherwise.
  • Matt Holliday is a good choice for MVP. If you don’t know, now you know.
  • In a few years, you’ll know Ubaldo Jimenez.
  • Right now, I want you to scream “YORVIT TORREALBA!!!” as loud as you can — that’s fun, isn’t it? I do this every time he bats, because he is my favorite player. If you watched the game last night, you saw him play defense like the Chicago Bears (when they aren’t riddled with injuries).

According to some math people in California, there’s like a 39% chance that the Rockies will make the playoffs. Last week, their chances were around 3%. I haven’t heard anybody mention Jesus as the reason for this success, so I think they all realize that they’re winning because they want to win, because it’s just what they do, because they really want to make it. That’s what makes me shell out the $$ for some good seats for this Saturday’s game against the Diamondbacks without talking shit about it for an hour first. I hope they’re still in the race on Saturday — I hope more than anything that I can scream and cheer like I haven’t screamed and cheered since the time the Broncos beat the Patriots in the post season a couple years ago. Even if they aren’t, though, I can scream and cheer so they know that their fans, the real baseball fans in Denver, appreciate the hell out of what they’ve done with the end of this season and hopefully, the owners, who I don’t trust, decide to shell out the $$ to keep these guys together next year.

Did you know that the Rockies are on a 10-game winning streak? Well, if you don’t know, now you know. I gotta go watch the game — hopefully this will be #11.