Hit by a Pitch

So hey I wrote a post called “Still Here, Still Sick” two weeks ago and guess what? I’m sick again, sick enough I’m to the point where I skip my workout (oh, the horror) and all I want to do is sit around and complain about how sick I am. This time, there’s less coughing but lots more congestion, runny nose, and sneezing. I don’t mind the sneezing so much, but everything else sucks a whole lot of ass. The bottom of my nose is bright red. Everybody else is sick, too, so that’s fun. Ben slept for 12 hours last night and took 2 naps today (I worked from home today and he stayed home). I slept for maybe, what, 5 or 6 hours last night.

I suck at sleeping anyway, but do you ever get that thing where one side of your nose is so stuffed up you can’t even sniff, and then your nose starts running and you can’t sniff so it just keeps running and running and eventually you’re like a 2-year-old with dried boogers all over your face? Only I can’t get to that point because as soon as my nose is running and I can’t sniff, I wake up. Ben said he can sleep through this (for the record, he can sleep through anything — runny nose, coughing his own head off, me next to him coughing my head off, cats playing with that goddamn thing where the ball is stuck in the track and it’s really loud for some reason at like 5:45 every morning now that it was recovered from the cave under the couch). I can’t. It’s like I’m deeply offended by my nose running, like people who don’t signal before turning while driving and bloggers who center their text, and I have to stop it at all costs. I wish I could just ignore it, but I can’t. I might try stuffing some tissue up there like NBA players do when they get bloody noses in the line of duty and have to keep playing.

Speaking of NBA players, this will never not be funny.

Which reminds me of the case of Farnsworth v. Fan, which can be summarized as follows.

When I’m sick, the only things that make me happy are beer; spicy-ass Thai food (the panang curry (with tofu, hot or Thai hot) from Tommy’s is A++ would eat too much again); and athletes getting into altercations with inanimate objects.

111MEGADETH

In my career as a person who works out, I’ve always worked out at a gym. I’ve been a total gym rat for, well, a long time — 15 years or so, now that I think about it. Today was my last day as a gym rat.

My gym, which I really like, has this thing where the price increases every year. This year, it got to the point where the cost was more than I was willing to pay. I thought about joining another gym, and then I thought about setting up a home gym. The idea of setting up a home gym was kind of crazy, especially considering the math:

• 3 people + 7 animals + 950 square feet = not really enough room for a home gym
•  1 treadmill + weight equipment + whatever else I need = $$$$$.

But hey, I’m nothing if not crazy, so I decided to move from a gym to a home gym. I did this for a number of reasons, which I’ll share with you soon. Right now I feel like dwelling on the sad part of breaking up with my gym.

I’ve said this before, but I consider location very important. I think the places we live and go all the time are kind of like friends and family. I know that’s weird. But seriously, I’ve been to this gym 395 times since I joined in September 2010. That’s a lot of times! I’ve seen my gym way more often than I’ve seen most people I know outside my immediate family. We’re close. So as lame and no-friend-havey as it makes me sound, I feel like leaving the gym is like losing a friend. I know. Next I’m going to drown in a pile of cats and hoarded newspapers.

The things I’ll miss most about the gym are the super-nice equipment, especially the treadmills, and the see-and-be-seen aspect of it, especially in the weight room. As with most gyms, the weight room is a total sausagefest, but I’ll miss the hell out of it. I love the weight room and man, the female representation in there is going to decrease by like 50% without me. Oh well. I’m sure they’ll find a way to go on.

Today as I was leaving the gym, the super-nice guy who works at the front desk said, “See you tomorrow?” and I said, “Possibly.” Then I wanted to cry. I could go tomorrow — it’s my last day as a member. But I figured I’d go out on a high note (nice, mellow Sunday) instead of a low note (crowded-ass Monday). Plus Ben busted his ass getting my treadmill set up today and I can’t wait to use it. Even though it’s going to be weird as hell working out at home.

One thing my midwife taught me about being in labor is that you save the “big guns” until as late in the process as possible. The big guns, when you’re having a homebirth, are things like counter pressure (where someone presses really hard on your lower back) and the inflatable kiddie pool set up in your dining room. You don’t want to avail yourself of these things too soon, because you want them to be effective when you really need them. Early in labor, before things get hard, you’re supposed to distract yourself from the fact that you’re in labor. I had a to-do list — paint my toenails, take the dogs for a walk, bake a cheesecake. (Full disclosure: I ended up sitting on the couch watching college football all day and then when things got hard all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and scream my fool head off all night.)

The same things that work for labor work for making your running playlist. That sounds weird, but I swear it makes sense. Early in a run, it’s not that you want to distract yourself from the fact that you’re running, but you want to take it easy. You don’t want to bust out the big guns on your running playlist too early. You don’t want it to be all high-energy all the time. Well, maybe you do, but I usually don’t.¹ I don’t want a running playlist that has all super-intense, heart-pounding stuff. I usually find that some slower, less-intense music can make me feel like I’m working out at a less-intense level. This can be pleasant in moderation. I like a nice mix of that and high-energy stuff.

A running playlist should start out a little slow, maybe with something that doesn’t really make sense. Then you build up. Then you take it back down. Then you build up again.

It’s kind of like a good DJ set, which is kind of like sex. You know what I mean?

Anyway, after much deliberation and a little trial and error, I’ve developed a template to use for making a running playlist (or a general cardio workout playlist if that’s your thing). It goes something like this (and of course, all people and all runs are different, so tweak this to suit yourself):

• one intro song: slowish, maybe rock, okay or good if it doesn’t make sense in the context of the whole playlist
• one song that builds up a little
• one song that takes it back down a little
• one or two songs that build up a little
• several high-energy songs that go together — I’m partial to hip hop here, but other options include girl power (Heart and Soul by T’Pau, Gold Guns Girls by Metric, Fire in Your New Shoes by Kaskade feat. Dragonette, Fantasy by Mariah Carey feat. ODB); reggaeton (Siente el Boom by Tito El Bambino, Impacto by Daddy Yankee, The Anthem by Pitbull, El Trago by 2 in a Room); and industrial (Headhunter by Front 242, And This is What the Devil Does by My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, Juke Joint Jezebel by KMFDM, Jesus Built My Hot Rod by Ministry)
• one or two songs that bring it back down a little — something different, okay if it’s totally cheesy (More than a Feeling by Boston, Your Love by The Outfield, Sister Golden Hair by America, Wake and Be Fine by Okkervil River)
• and then bring your high-energy shit, several songs — I like stuff you’d hear at a Chicago house party in the summer, windows open, sweltering hot, all the furniture pushed against the walls so everybody can hold up their drinks and shake their asses; also MSTRKRFT
• one or two songs that take it back down a little
• one cool-down song.

And that’s how to create your own running playlist!

Any workout playlist should always be longer than you’ll need. If you’re going to run for an hour, make your playlist at least 1:20 long. This allows for skipping songs you’re not feeling that day and alternate endings. You might want to end on a super-high-energy song (I usually do this because I run my fastest in the last few minutes). But you might want to end coming down, so allow for that, too. You might not need the cool-down song at the end, but it’s nice to have one there in case you want it.

I made a new running playlist based on this template, and you can get it here (for a limited time). Here’s what’s on it:

• Ceremony – New Order
• Away Frm U – Oberhofer
• Lost in the World – Kanye West feat. Bon Iver
• Id Engager – Of Montreal
• That’s Not My Name – The Ting Tings
• Live Life to the Fullest – Charles Hamilton feat. Yung Nate
• One Mic – Nas
• Get By – Talib Kweli
• Bombs Over Baghdad – Outkast
• Bad Girls Club – Wale feat. J. Cole
• Full Moon – Armand Van Helden feat. Common
• The Boys of Summer – The Ataris
• U Don’t Know Me – Armand Van Helden
• It’s Love (Joshua’s Mo Luv Vocal) – Naked Music NYC
• Let’s Go Disco – Southern Comfort
• Can I Get Some – The People Movers
• Bounce – MSTRKRFT feat. N.O.R.E.
• Prisoner of Love – Jessica 6
• Believe in Magic – Jim Jones feat. Lloyd (prod. Girl Talk)
• Don’t Fear the Reaper – Van She

Enjoy, and happy running!

_______
Note
1. The times I do want all high-energy all the time, I listen to Girl Talk. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s the best workout music of all time. Go here to download All Day for free.

I’m just kidding about trying to make GPOYTT happen, but here are some pictures of Soren wearing his skull shirt. I wasn’t kidding when I told you about the skull phase. He’s generally not very opinionated when it comes to wardrobe selection, but when he saw this shirt today, he was all, “Skull! Skull!” and had to wear it. It’s from the Gap. I don’t always buy expen$ive $hirt$ for Soren from the Gap, but when I do, I prefer to get ones with skulls on them.

I think he’s got the hipster-toddler-model face down.

In my short career as a baseball fan, my team has given me a no-hitter, two perfect games, and a World Series victory.

My experience watching the end of Philip Humber’s perfect game was a lot like the time I saw the end of Mark Buehrle’s perfect game: sitting in my living room, hands over my mouth with my fingers on my nose (not in an intentional I-can-affect-the-game posture — just because that’s what I do with my nervous hands when I’m really freaking out about a sporting event), feeling kind of like I’m going to be sick (not really) or cry (really). I love displays of defensive awesomeness in sports more than just about anything, and a perfect game thrown by a major-league pitcher is just about the most awesome display of defensive awesomeness there can be, if that’s not too awesome to even make sense.

I almost missed both perfect games (catching the end of the Buehrle game was sheer luck when I went home for lunch and got a text alerting me to what was happening). If you’re not a baseball fan (in which case, sorry, tl;drno1curr), you might not know about the annoyance of what Fox Sports does to you on Saturdays. Fox airs a baseball game each Saturday afternoon. All other games are blacked out, even on services like MLB.tv or MLB Extra Innings, which are expensive things you purchase to watch out-of-market games. I guess the theory is that baseball fans will watch whatever shit game is on Fox because they can’t watch any other games.

I never do that. Pro football is the only sport I’ll watch any team play. If we’re talking about baseball or basketball, I’m only watching my teams. So usually on Saturday afternoon, I listen to the radio broadcast of the White Sox game (you can do this on your MLB At Bat app, but of course if you’re a baseball fan, you already know that).

I listened to the beginning of the Sox game on Saturday afternoon until I had something else to do. Later, I checked the score and saw that it was the 8th inning, the Sox were still winning, and — wait, holy shit — the Mariners had no hits. So this is at least a no-hitter if Humber is still pitching. I fired up the audio broadcast and hit up Twitter, which as always is the best place for breaking news. I saw all the OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT tweets from @nothawk (fake Twitter account of one of the White Sox tv guys, who is the greatest sports commentator of all time this side of John Madden, and one of the most brilliant contributions to Twitter) and I knew what was going on.

Fox finally, in the bottom of the 9th inning, switched from the stupid-ass game it was broadcasting to the Sox/Mariners game (at first on a terrible split screen). So I got to see the last three outs of Phil Humber’s perfect game. It was glorious and I almost cried. And I’m really bummed that Soren was napping when it happened. Soon, though, little guy. There will be lots of White Sox moments like this for us to share.