Hit by a Pitch

Archive for the ‘Baby’ tag

Baby’s First Joke

without comments

Soren made a joke tonight.

When we were at Target the other day, he got all gaga in the snack aisle while I was picking out some kind of ridiculous organic tortilla chips. He really wanted pretzels. Pretzels are the best. The problem is that the pretzels you get at the store don’t necessarily comply with our no-GMO philosophy, so I don’t buy them.

So then I’m thinking about pretzels long after Soren has probably forgotten about them and I mention to Ben that we should make pretzels this weekend, maybe for dinner because we (well, Ben and I — Soren snacks all the time) don’t eat giant snacks like homemade pretzels. So the plan was to have pretzels and salad for dinner tonight. And of course “we” making pretzels became Ben making pretzels, because I’m a lazy ass and I have this dumb cold that honestly isn’t that bad but has me off my game just enough to be annoying (like, I’ve been spending a lot of time fantasizing about sitting on the couch under a blanket, with beer or tea, watching tv or reading a book while nobody bothers me).

So tonight we had pretzels and salad for dinner and it was awesome. (The recipe for the pretzels is here, but Ben cut back on the baking soda to avoid any chance of bitterness — but I can’t tell you how much he used because he’s too cool to measure anything — and he made the dough in the bread machine instead of using a stand mixer. The recipe for the cheese sauce is here.) The pretzels are divine. You should make them.

The point of this story, at which we will arrive shortly, is the joke Soren made. Ben, is too cool to measure anything, didn’t measure anything while making my cheese sauce and it turned out too watery because he added way too much milk. So the pretzels were ready and he was puttering around adding cornstarch and doing what you do to fix too-watery cheese sauce. Soren was sitting at the dining room table (which is just outside the kitchen) with his pretzel (along with some peas, and a couple cucumber slices and pieces of carrot because he doesn’t like salad yet). Ben told him not to eat his pretzel yet because there would be cheese sauce soon.

A few minutes went by. Soren said, “I ate all my pretzel!” Then he paused for a second. Then he said, “Just kidding!!” and busted out laughing. He’s never made a joke before. It was hilarious — seriously — because it was funny and because he paused just long enough for it to be funny (because just for a second, you’re all OMG he ate that whole pretzel already) and because it was the first joke he’s ever made.

Since then, he’s been a total ham all night. He’s going to have to learn that not everything he says is hilarious. Later, though. Right now, everything he says kind of is hilarious.

Written by Tracy

March 3rd, 2013 at 8:15 pm

Posted in and life,babies are silly

Tagged with ,

Photo Friday: Bunny Ears and Sunglasses

without comments

lol

Written by Tracy

March 1st, 2013 at 1:42 pm

Posted in and life,Photos

Tagged with ,

My work here might be done.

without comments

He wanted a headband.

Tonight when he was in the bathtub, Soren declared that he wanted me to use the washcloth to make him a headband. It wasn’t big enough, but I remembered that one time I cut the sleeve off a t-shirt and just the other day encountered the random headband-like object in my closet.1 I found it and put it on his head and he was all happy. He said he wanted a headband like some girl in a book. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but if he wants to wear a headband, that’s totally cool with me. Later, while wearing his headband, he seriously said, “Mommy, I’m a hippie like you!” Sometimes you love your kid so much it’s like you just got punched in the chest and you can’t breathe for a second. I love the fuck out of those moments.

Here’s a thing I always want to complain about but don’t because I don’t want to be complainey, but I might as well now because it’s kind of related. Approximately 90% of the people we encounter in the world refer to Soren as “she.” For people over the age of, say, 60, it’s 100%. The other day, someone referred to Soren as “your daughter.” When we’re out and about and unlikely to encounter the people again, I never correct them because what’s the point.2 Then today we got a report from some routine speech evaluation they did at Soren’s school3 and it said something about how “Soren is a 3-year-old female. . . .”

Look, I don’t know. I don’t know much about girls and boys and what they look like, but as far as I can tell, the only thing “girly” about Soren is his long hair. I mean, I think he looks like a dude with long hair. Maybe “dude with long hair” is so far outside the norm it doesn’t occur to most of the general population? I didn’t watch the Academy Awards but I saw tweets about a bunch of long-haired dudes who won stuff, so rock on, maybe this will become trendy and it will occur to people that oh yeah, guys can have long hair.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not mad about this. I really don’t care. It’s just that it gets a little old and it can be kind of awkward when you’re waiting in a long-ass line at the post office and the dude in front of you is referring to your kid as “she” and you’re not going to bother correcting him because you’ll never see him again but the whole time you’re talking to your kid and referring to him as “dude” because that’s what you do and it’s kind of weird because despite the fact that you don’t care what people think you don’t want it to be awkward. I don’t enjoy awkward.

And yeah, I could cut his hair. But why? I like it long and what better time to defy societal expectations about traditional gender norms than in childhood? I mean, why do so many little boys have short hair? Why doesn’t anybody ever ask that question? Isn’t that weird?

_______
Notes
1. My closet, as you might imagine, is a total shitshow. I’m pretty particular about our house looking as pristine as it can look considering two adults, one 3-year-old, and 7 animals live here, but I have an overwhelming need to be a secret slob somewhere, and my closet is where this, as they say, comes to roost. I’m sure something is roosting in there. It’s a total mess. I can’t find things I want and instead find random-ass shit like the sleeve I cut off a t-shirt 2 years ago. FYI my closet is a tiny room off the back of our kitchen because what else do you do with a tiny room off the back of your kitchen and our house is 125 years old and has teeny tiny closets. It’s big enough to fit a couple hanging racks, a giant two-door cabinet, a dresser from when I was a kid (Danish modern! I hated it back then), terrifying stacks and stacks of shoe boxes usually inhabited by resting tabbies, and a big hamper. I was just about to photograph it to post here but it is too terrifying.
2. The “your daughter” thing happened at our monthly dog party. (I hope “monthly dog party” doesn’t sound like code for “my period.” If I were going to use code for my period, I’d say “Roll Tide.”) I was chatting with a woman who has a Chihuahua with a solar panel (he has a perfect spot on his back that some random dude called a “solar panel,” which is totally perfect) and I mentioned that people were referring to Soren as she. She said, using a word I won’t repeat here because it’s generally frowned upon these days, that was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard and obviously he’s a boy. Later that day when I relayed this story to Ben he was all OMG whatever, that woman totally called Soren she before.
3. Apparently he has a slight frontal lisp that is not negatively impacting “her” speech intelligibility and is considered a developmentally appropriate error until the age of 5.

Written by Tracy

February 26th, 2013 at 8:28 pm

Posted in and life

Tagged with ,

A Snowy Sunday

without comments

mimosas

Here are some things to do on a cold, snowy Sunday:

  • Drink coffee.
  • Run on a treadmill.
  • Take a super-hot shower.
  • Apply lots of lotion.
  • Drink some green juice. (It’s kind of like a taste of summer, especially if you use cucumbers. I’m seriously hooked.)
  • Drink mimosas made with fresh (homemade!) organic Rio Star grapefruit juice. Holy crap have you had Rio Star grapefruits? Best fruit of winter, no question.
  • Continue to filter the shit out of your photos.
  • Catch up on blogs.
  • Do stuff like bake tofu for upcoming meals and maybe make some bread.
  • Listen to a lot of Bob Marley. I’m not even high and I’m astounded by the fact that I haven’t spent more time listening to Bob Marley over the course of my entire life.

Ben is the only one who left the house today. Well, Soren left the house for approximately five minutes, twice, but got really mad about the snow blowing into his face and came right back in. He spent more time having boots and other cold-weather gear applied than he did enjoying the cold weather, but it’s all good because it’s not like we had anything better to do.

In other news, I don’t care about the Academy Awards except to say that whoever was responsible for the eyewear in Argo needs to win something. Brilliant work.

Written by Tracy

February 24th, 2013 at 6:02 pm

Posted in and life

Tagged with ,

snowsnowsnow

without comments

snowsnowsnow

There’s a winter weather advisory in Denver right now. My biggest wish, aside from the obvious things like a cure for cancer and world peace, is that tomorrow is a snow day and people don’t have to go to work or school. I want to spend the day sledding and going out for graham cracker porter. Universe, make it happen!

Written by Tracy

February 20th, 2013 at 5:32 pm

Posted in and life

Tagged with ,

Happy Valentine’s Day

without comments

Untitled

from my hipster Valentine to yours. xoxo

Written by Tracy

February 14th, 2013 at 7:15 pm

Posted in and life,Photos

Tagged with ,

In Bed

without comments

Untitled

We’re not official co-sleepers or anything but more often than not, Soren gets into bed with us in the middle of the night. I always think it’s cute when he’s still in there after Ben and I get up.

An observation: If you ever feel a vague sense of sadness and/or anxiety coming on from nowhere, keep busy and if at all possible do something good for others. I think this is key. When your mind is full of good stuff, there’s less room for bad stuff.

Written by Tracy

February 13th, 2013 at 9:37 am

Posted in and life

Tagged with ,