My boyfriend Jon Garland is coming to Denver! !!!!!

Jon Garland

This is an old picture.

In 2005, I fell in love with baseball, the Chicago White Sox, and in particular Jon Garland. My love for baseball, the Chicago White Sox, and in particular Jon Garland has continued over the years, even though Jon Garland and I have kind of lost touch as he moved from one team I don’t really care about to another and then spent the last season and a half recovering from shoulder surgery and not playing.

Today he was signed by the Colorado Rockies. He’ll be a starting pitcher. Holy shit you guys! This is the most exciting baseball thing to happen to me . . . well, since Philip Humber’s perfect game.

This is pretty much the only thing that could’ve made me care about the Colorado Rockies this year. Jon Garland!!

Rockies At-Bat Music 2012

Hey sports fans! It’s time once again for my annual post about the walk-up music of Colorado Rockies players. As always, I’ll update the list as I find out more and I’ll make a Grooveshark playlist ASAP. Enjoy, and comments are on for this post.


Matt Belisle:
Rafael Betancourt: Give Me Everything by Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo
Rex Brothers:
Jhoulys Chacin:
Tyler Chatwood:
Jeremy Guthrie: Tonight is the Night by Outasight (pitching), What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction (hitting)
Jamie Moyer:
Juan Nicasio:
Matt Reynolds:
Josh Roenicke: Imma Star by Jeremih
Esmil Rogers: Winner by Jamie Foxx feat. Justin Timberlake


Ramon Hernandez: Ven Morena by Oscar D’Leon, Ai Se Eu Te Pego by Michel Telo
Wilin Rosario: El Cafe by Tito Swing, International Love by Pitbull feat. Chris Brown


Jason Giambi: Wolfpack Theme by N.W.O.
Todd Helton: Springsteen by Eric Church
Jonathan Herrera: Riscate by Alexis & Fido
Chris Nelson: What’s My Name by DMX
Jordan Pacheco: Square Dance by Eminem
Marco Scutaro: Danza Kuduro (Club Mix) by Denoizer feat. Don Omar
Troy Tulowitzki: Levels by Avicii, Gotta Have It by Jay-Z and Kanye West (apparently Gotta Have It was for Opening Day only)


Tyler Colvin: Hold on to Black Metal by My Morning Jacket
Michael Cuddyer: Kyoto by Skrillex, I Can’t Stop by Flux Pavilion, Mind Your Manners by Chiddy Bang
Dexter Fowler: Grind 24 by Torch, Arab Money by Rick Ross
Carlos Gonzalez: Donde Estes Llegare by Alexis & Fido
Eric Young Jr.: Headlines by Drake

Family Traditions: Opening Day

When you’re not religious and you live 1,000 miles away from your family and don’t travel because you’re poor and have 900 animals and are a John-Madden-level claustrophobic who’s afraid of flying, you don’t really have much opportunity for traditions and rituals. Well, we don’t, anyway. For example, we don’t have family gatherings for holidays like when I was a kid, where my parents and I hung out with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Now, we tend to do whatever presents itself with friends, or nothing. Either way, it’s cool, because we’re not big holiday people.

The thing is, I’m not sure I want Soren to grow up with absolutely no holiday or holiday-like traditions. I mean, they can be really nice! When I was a kid, my spoiled only-child little heart spent weeks looking forward to Christmas at my grandparents’ house and the mountain of presents with my name on them. And my nana’s homemade noodles. Holy crap you guys the homemade noodles, drizzled with lightly browned butter — they were the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten and I haven’t had them since well before nana died in the 80s.

We don’t have big Christmases and homemade noodles and a nana who writes your name on plastic Easter eggs with goodies inside and hides them around their sprawling ranch house in Park Ridge, IL, but maybe we should have something. Maybe the answer is to create traditions where they’re meaningful for us. And if by “meaningful for us” I mean meaningful for me (and this is my blog so of course that’s what I mean), the answer is's first Rockies game

I figure MLB Opening Day (capitalized because it’s a holiday!) is the best place to start. When you’re a sports fan, MLB Opening Day is exciting. It’s the start of so many things! It’s the start of summer, of biking to the game, of drinking beer while waiting for the sun to dip behind the Coors Field scoreboard, of missing Chicago, of laughing out loud at Ed Farmer (he’s funny!) and hearing commercials for Chicago pizza places, of waiting for Hawk Harrelson to yell “You can put it on the board . . . YES!!!” and Instagrammed pictures of baseball players nobody cares about except me and reading The Dugout (which seems to no longer exist) and watching the guys in the bullpen because the bullpen is one of my favorite things ever.

And seriously, if I can get kind of ridiculous and sappy for a minute, it’s the start of hope. Nobody makes me hope as much as the White Sox. This could be the year. Well, I mean, this probably won’t be the year what with the “R” word being thrown around and a manager who has more experience charging the mound than, well, managing, but still. With baseball, I always feel like it’s at least possible.

The question is which MLB Opening Day to celebrate. Opening Day in general? The first White Sox game? The first Rockies game? The first home game at Coors Field?

To tell you the truth I’m not a big fan of going to the first home game at Coors Field. It’s always way too crowded and they charge too much for tickets (for a while, if you wanted to buy tickets for Opening Day, you had to buy tickets for another game in that series, too — I don’t know if they still do this) and they run out of good beer (you almost don’t mind this because the lines for the good beer and the bathrooms are ridiculous). With a toddler, it’s even kind of hard to hang out anywhere around Coors Field that day — last year, I remember trying to go to Falling Rock Tap House and it was so ridiculously crowded even after the game started we gave up on the idea.

So at least for now, I’m thinking our MLB Opening Day will be a low-key event that involves watching the Sox, eating pizza, and hanging out. This year, it’ll have to happen for game 2 because we didn’t take Friday off work. But in the future, I think we should all take the day off of work or school for our Opening Day celebration. I mean, it’s fair to take holidays off, and this is our holiday. At least until Ben (the Cubs fan who, in typical Cubs fan fashion, can’t name 3 players on the active roster — love you, Cubs fans!) objects to the way I’m trying to make our kid a Sox fan.

I’ll miss Ubaldo.

Sox vs. Rockies

I’m very sad about the Rockies trading Ubaldo Jimenez. My bad feelings are fourfold:

1. I love Ubaldo. As a Rockies fan, I feel like I’ve watched him grow up, as cheesy as that is. He grew up and then went, well, to Cleveland. And that’s no good for anybody. (Just kidding, people of Cleveland. I’m only lashing out at you because of my pain. Love ya!)

2. He went to one of two teams in the American League Central that is marginally interested in winning the division and is not the White Sox. This means Ubaldo, my pal, has become the enemy. This is confusing and, well, sad.

3. The Rockies organization has been atrocious at evaluating young talent and it’s impossible to say at this point whether the prospects they received in exchange for Ubaldo will pan out. We have to wait and see, and what the hell fun is that?

4. Imagine you’re in a relationship with someone who is smokin’ hot. We’ll call her Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue model Irina Shayk. One night after dinner, you’re sitting around drinking a beer and watching Teen Mom, and she says to you:

Hey, you know what? For the rest of the year, I’m going to stop working out. Instead, I’ll spend hours a day eating mounds of cheese dipped in the container of deep-fryer grease we store under the sink. I’m not going to shower for, like, a month at a time, and I’ll wipe the grease from my fingers in my hair instead of using napkins. Oral hygiene will be optional. My wardrobe will consist entirely of floral house dresses and filthy slippers. I’ll fart all the time and when I’m not farting, I’ll speak in painstaking detail about my menstrual cycle. Also, I’ll pick my nose and wipe the boogers on the living room wall. I’ll start chewing tobacco, which I will spit in the bowling trophy you won in high school.

By trading Ubaldo, that’s pretty much what the Rockies are doing for the rest of this season. They’re letting themselves go. As fans, we’re in a relationship with the Rockies so I guess we’re still supposed to care about them and stuff, but I cannot tell a lie. It’s hard for me to love you when you don’t love yourself. I understand what they see in mounds of cheese, but the rest of this season is going to be pretty stupid.

Rockies At-Bat Music 2011

Note: The 2012 post is here!

Hey sports fans! It’s time once again to talk about the walk-up music of Colorado Rockies players. I’m sorry there are so many I don’t know yet. It seems like they’ve turned the music down at Coors Field — I could barely hear anything today and Shazam wasn’t working very well. I spent a lot of time standing by a speaker and I still got a lot of “no match” crap. I’ll fill in the blanks as I find out more.

Update: Thanks to the awesome Jake C for his help with the list, if by “help” I mean “doing all the work.”

I’m putting the list behind a cut because I’ve added Grooveshark widgets for all songs and I don’t want you to have to deal with those if you’re not interested.
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Happy Baseball Eve!

Baseball!Although my teams don’t play until Friday, I’m super-excited about opening day! I hope this is an awesome season for the White Sox and the Rockies. I’m also happy to report that Soren, who doesn’t really talk yet, said the word “sock” today while holding a sock. Next up, I’ll ask him what his favorite baseball team is and he’ll respond with an enthusiastic “Sox!”

I’ll have my yearly Rockies at-bat music/walk-up music post up ASAP. Remember when Spilly used this song?