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Troy Tulowitzki has atrocious taste in music.

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The other day, I saw that The Denver Post was taking suggestions for Troy Tulowitzki’s new walk-up song. As you may know, the walk-up (or at-bat as I usually call it) music of Colorado Rockies players is a subject about which I care deeply. I began pondering what awesome song I could submit and then after a while completely forgot about it. On some level, I realized I shouldn’t get too invested in the process because I am well aware that, bless his little heart, Troy Tulowitzki has atrocious taste in music. (He used Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus last season. I understand he likes to pick songs that appeal to kids these days or whatever, but there’s no excuse for making fans listen to that shit.)


We like baseball!

The plan was to whittle the fan submissions down to 30 songs, through a process that was not revealed. The 30 songs are listed here. From those 30 songs, Troy Tulowitzki chose the four finalists. You can listen to the four finalists and vote for your “favorite” here (vote by Tuesday).

I listened to as much of each song as I could handle, which for most of them was not much. I don’t want to sound like a hopelessly out-of-touch old fart, but those songs are terrible. In an effort to choose the least awful option, I voted for Ke$ha. That song didn’t make me cry, and on some level I at least understand Ke$ha. (Full disclosure: I do like Katy Perry’s Electric Feel cover.)

Update: The winning song and Troy Tulowitzki’s walk-up music for 2011 is Firework by Katy Perry.

Update: He changed his song to Baby by Justin Bieber.

My song wouldn’t have made it past the play-in game in the first round, but here it is.

Bonus: It’s local!

Now that I’ve had more time to think about it and fully digest Tulo’s bad-music leanings (and the fact that he takes himself too seriously), I’d offer Pretty Boy Swag as a new suggestion. The original version is painfully boring, so he’d have to use a remix, like this one (or this 90s house version) (or, best of all, this Girl Talk mashup with Aphex Twin’s Windowlicker). (You have no idea how many Pretty Boy Swag remixes I listened to today.) I mean, for real, how badass would it be to walk to home plate with this booming from the Coors Field sound system:

Get out the way pretty boy comin through
me and my crew we swaggin in the room
girls on me heavy cause I look so sexy
yellow diamond shawty in the club straight flexin
I’m lookin for a yellow bone long haired star
thick in the hips come get in my car
you party with a star we take off and go to Mars
pretty boy take off in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

That would be almost as awesome as that time we had Kazuo Matsui and the best at-bat song of all time:

Update: If you want to know about Troy Tulowitzki’s 2012 music, go here.

Written by Tracy

March 26th, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Carlos Gonzales hit for the cycle, bitches.

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Song: Abusadora by Wisin & Yandel
It’s the bottom of the ninth inning at Coors Field. The Rockies and Cubs are tied and I’m sure it’s a tense moment for all involved (when the Cubs come to play the Rockies, Coors Field fills up with annoying (redundant?) Cubs fans who couldn’t name five players on the active roster but act like they’re really into baseball until they get way too drunk to fool anyone) when Carlos Gonzalez comes up to the plate, the sounds of Wisin & Yandel filling the warm evening air. Carlos Gonzalez has been on fire today — he’d already hit a single, double, and triple, and George Frazier (one of the tv guys) was saying that he just needed a home run to complete the cycle. That never happens, right? I mean, it hardly ever happens that anybody hits for the cycle, and there’s no way it’s going to happen when the dude on tv was just talking about it.

Well shit, it did happen. Gonzalez smoked the hell out of the first pitch he saw. It was a walk-off home run, giving the Rockies a 6-5 win over the Cubs.

That’s pretty bad ass, right? You’d think people would be talking about that shit on Twitter.


Well, no. (Click the picture to get to a larger version. I tried to post the big version here, but it totally broke my site. I know you can’t really see what I’m talking about when it’s this size, but I guess that’s better than jacking up the whole site.)

(Pls. note my groundbreaking tweet, wherein I said, “What’s sad is that if Carlos Gonzalez played for the stupid Yankees or the Stupid Red Sox, he’d be trending on Twitter right now.” I actually thought about adding the stupid Phillies, but 140-character limit and all, I knew I had to stop somewhere.)

Do you see what the #1 trending topic on Twitter was when I took this? Robinson Cano. As far as I can tell, Robinson Cano, who plays for the stupid Yankees, hit a home run and the Yankees won. Oh, wow. Later, Brad Lidge, Phillies closer, was a trending topic. As far as I can tell, Brad Lidge sucks ass and blew another save. Wow.

Since Carlos Gonzalez accomplished the monumental feat of hitting for the cycle and hitting a walk-off home run to beat the Cubs, he has not been a trending topic on Twitter.

Wait! I lied! As I’m writing this to bitch about people on Twitter not talking about the awesomeness of Carlos Gonzalez, he is finally trending!

That's better.

That kind of defeats the purpose of me writing a post to bitch about people on Twitter failing to talk about Carlos Gonzalez, but I’ve already written a post to bitch about people on Twitter failing to talk about Carlos Gonzalez. So here it is.

Written by Tracy

July 31st, 2010 at 9:19 pm

Posted in Bitching,MLB,Rockies,Sports

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Awesome Song & Best Pitch Ever

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I just have two quick things today.

First, go listen to this song now. It’s fun. Trust me.

Second, did you know that Ubaldo Jimenez threw the best pitch ever? He did. Check out this awesome post about it, complete with gif.

I haven’t written much about sports lately, but at the very least, I plan to update some of the “Players We Like” soon. I’ll be scoping out new info. on people like Jamaal Tatum (who is worse about updating his website than I am), Linas Kleiza (back in the NBA!), Julius Hodge, Jerry Owens, and Garrett Wolfe. If you’re Julian Sensley, let me know what’s going on in your life right now.

Written by Tracy

July 9th, 2010 at 9:05 pm

Bad Luck

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We arrived at last night’s Rockies game about half an hour late, but it was still the first inning. (We later heard that the game was delayed because somebody committed suicide by jumping off a bridge near Coors Field — no idea if it’s true but if it is, good thoughts to the surviving family and friends and anybody who saw it happen.) It was a slow and boring gaRockies gameme, punctuated with the obnoxious cheers of an inordinate number of St. Louis Cardinals fans. (I like to say, when there are too many fans of the opposing team, “If St. Louis [or insert name of other city] is so great, why don’t you move back there?” unless you’re talking about White Sox fans, in which case there aren’t too many and I’m all, “Yay, my people!”) The wind picked up and the temperature dropped and by the sixth inning, the Rockies were getting hammered and we had a grumpy baby on our hands. So we became Those People Who Leave the Game Early (TPWLGE) (unnecessary and inappropriate capitalization makes me irrationally angry and I’m doing it here only because I’m irrationally angry at myself for being one of TPWLGE).

It takes us 15 minutes, tops, to walk to the car and drive home. After we got grumpy pants fed and to bed, I settled in to see that the Rockies were down 9-3. Ha! That sucks even more than it did when we were still at the game. Good thing we left early, suckas! I didn’t even know that it was about to start raining.

I started themy little White Sox fan ninth inning sitting at my computer waiting to update my stupid game log with the score. I had “Rockies 3 – Cardinals 9″ (I need to learn how to make em and en dashes on the Mac one of these days) already written. Then I changed it to “Rockies 4 – Cardinals 9.” Then crazy shit started to happen and I moved my butt to the couch to watch the rest of the game. (Note: I use a laptop, which yes, I could easily take with me to the couch, but when I’m not really trying to be on the internet, I leave it on my desk, which is right next to the couch.)

It turned out to be what the guys on tv referred to as the “greatest comeback in Colorado Rockies history.” (Troy Renck article here.) We totally could’ve been there, but we were TPWLGE. I mean, grumpy baby, good excuse — but still, that sucks. And then you had salt, wounds while the postgame guys spent a good six hours making fun of TPWLGE. We totally deserve it, but ouch.

It seems like leaving the game early set into action a swirling vortex of suckitude, wherein annoying things keep happening. Here is a brief summary:

  • My work website was down all night (as far as I can tell) and I wasted time trying to access my work email so I could do actual work at like midnight, before I finally realized I could access my work email even though the website wasn’t working by using the direct link.
  • A cat puked on the floor in our bedroom (the only carpeted surface in the house).
  • Despite Ben’s constant and diligent efforts, the bedroom carpet smells slightly of pee again, Sadie.
  • Sadie pooped in the kitchen while we slept. (This has become an everyday occurrence since the onslaught of constant and terrible fireworks in the ‘hood.)
  • While standing on a chair and attempting to water the hanging plant I repotted last weekend, I spilled water all over the chair and the living room floor.
  • I put some leftover Tuscan potato salad into a plastic container to take to work for breakfast. After closing the container, I noticed that it was covered in animal fur. How is that possible? I wiped off the fur on the outside of the container only to realize that there was also a bunch of fur on the inside of the container. I wiped off as much as possible but just couldn’t throw out the potato salad and start fresh, so I’ll probably be eating some fur for breakfast. Yum, and gross. I don’t know why I’m telling you that, but I’ll understand the next time I invite you over and you say no.
  • Soren pooped right before we left this morning. You guys, the early weeks (months?) of solid food baby poop are really, really, really gross. I’m still as dedicated to cloth diapers as ever, but really, ew.
  • Blueberries.
  • A cat pooped right before I left so I had to scoop that because Coltrane, the buffet is closed, at least until someone else poops and I’m not there.
  • I got stuck on a two-lane, one-way street where one lane was closed and the other was occupied by a street sweeper moving at approximately .0008 miles per hour.

On a positive note, I fell asleep within a reasonable amount of time and then stayed asleep until my alarm went off this morning. Almost six hours of uninterrupted slumber! Fabulous!

Written by Tracy

July 7th, 2010 at 10:00 am

Things I Like: Sports Edition

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  • Although the season is over for the Denver Nuggets (much to the delight of David Stern and the NBA referees, but whatever), there’s some good news for the team. Super-mascot Rocky made the Forbes “Top 10 Sports Mascots” list. (Unfortunately, some of the other winners also made my “Terrifying Mascots” list.) Even if you’re not all that into sports mascots (and I couldn’t blame you for that), Rocky is the shit. The last time we were at a game, he climbed from the court all the way up to the top of the third level (and he climbs up, like, walls and stuff, not just stairs), shot out some confetti, and then ran back down to the court, all in record time (I don’t remember how much time, but it was really fast). He does crazy shit with ladders and stunts that would be impressive if done while not dressed as a mascot.
  • This just in from the U.S. Department of Badassery: Shit, dudes, Colorado Rockies catcher Miguel Olivo. I already like the guy because I picked him up for my fantasy team after A.J. Pierzynski went like 2 for his last 873. He’s been hitting well and isn’t so bad at throwing out runners. Don’t get me wrong — that’s just garden-variety badass for a catcher. But here’s the thing — during the 8th inning of Monday’s game, dude slipped into the team’s bathroom near the dugout and — holy shit — passed a kidney stone. Then he went back into the game. (I’ve heard that passing a kidney stone feels kind of like giving birth. I have no idea if this is true, but if it’s even half as painful, holy shit.) I wish my team got bonus points for that. Dude.
  • From the LOLWTF files. I present Melo’s People of Utah:

Written by Tracy

May 1st, 2010 at 12:05 pm

Rockies At-Bat Music 2010

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Finally, here is my 2010 Colorado Rockies at-bat music post!

(Past years are available here: 2009, 2008, 2007.)

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Tracy

April 30th, 2010 at 3:36 pm

Rockies At-Bat Music 2010: Coming Soon!

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Now that it’s baseball season again, lots of people are finding me by searching for info. on the at-bat music of Colorado Rockies players. The most current list I have is from last year — you can read it here. I’ll have the 2010 post up sometime next week. I’m definitely going to the game on Tuesday and might be going on Sunday (I don’t like to post until I’ve been to a game and heard the music for myself to make sure what I post here is accurate). So please check back next week!

Update: The post is up (finally) here.

Written by Tracy

April 9th, 2010 at 7:28 pm

Posted in MLB,Music,Rockies

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